This is week 4 of Dr. Malie’s A Lust for Life online Exam Stress Management course for Junior and Leaving Cert students and parents. Here is Week 1 “Mastering the game of exams”, Week 2 “Your BODY as a vehicle to your dreams”, and Week 3 “Is it FACT or OPINION”? if you missed them.
It’s best to follow the course week by week, as like any other game, preparing for exams is best done following a step-by-step training schedule. Good luck you CAN do this!
Paddling your own canoe
Only 2 weeks until the exams and I’m sure the reality of the exams is really dawning on you. This week we are looking at how stress affects your behaviour, and how you can make the best use of the limited time you have to build up positive behaviours, which will help you to reach your long-term goal and control your levels of stress as you get there.
“Know many, trust a few, but always paddle your own canoe” (Ayres & Vivyan, 2010)
A metaphor I often use with young people is to ask them to “imagine life as a river. Sometimes it flows smoothly and peacefully, calm and blue, and sometimes it can be rough and rocky, filled with deep black cold water, unexpected turbulence, white water, other boats or obstacles crossing our path, getting in our way, making us unstable, vulnerable, scared”. Take a look for yourself in this handout.
ACTION: Close your eyes and see yourself on your canoe going downstream on a turbulent river. You can see at a distance that up ahead there is what looks like a red velvet stage curtain with the words “REACH YOUR GOAL” on it. As you stare at those big bold words, the curtain opens slowly to reveal your own meaningful goal. Behind the curtain is your imagined scene of what your goal would look like, what it smells like, what it sounds like. It’s so real you can actually FEEL it. You want it so badly, so how are you going to get there?
Now more than ever when you are facing up to the challenge of exams, you need to ask yourself “Is my behaviour serving my goals”? Is what I am doing on a daily or even hourly basis going to help me to reach my goal?
The lesson is that we all need to learn to paddle our own canoes and be prepared to face turbulent times. For now the exams are the biggest hurdle, but there will be other hurdles up ahead which you will need to overcome. The exams are a good way for you to practice your coping skills and to build up your ability to float with purpose down the river of life.
Setting meaningful goals
Having a goal is hugely important when you are studying for exams, as it fills you with hope and keeps you going when you are putting in the “blood, sweat and tears”! When you are working out your goal, you need to align it to your values and life direction. Think about what you want to work towards? What is really important to you? What gives your life meaning and purpose?
ACTION: Check out this handout on “Increasing motivation”, which walks you through the steps of setting a meaningful goal, ensuring it is specific, realistic and achievable.
ACTION: Once you have identified your goal, this short “One-step-at-a-time goal achieving cartoon doodle video” shows you how to get there by taking it one step at a time.
Overcoming procrastination – “Just DO it!”
“Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now”. Procrastination is a huge issue for the young people that I see leading up to exam time and for humans generally. Ironic then that procrastination can alleviate stress in the short-term, but on the flipside putting things off actually creates stress in the long-term.
According to this handout “Practical strategies to stop procrastination”, overcoming it involves knowing what needs to be done, how to do it and when to do it.
Motivation will take a bit of effort, but it’s the key to achieving your goals. Success depends on action. Action leads to momentum. The best way to get something done is to begin, so just DO it!
7 Secrets to Studying
The two most important things you need are motivation and an effective study plan. Have a look at this booklet introducing the “7 secrets to studying”, which offers brilliant hints on how to pass your exams, from creating the “right” study environment to using memorisation tools.
Self-Compassion
“With self-compassion, we give ourselves the same kindness and care we’d give to a good friend” (Dr. Kristin Neff).
Self-compassion is the attitude and skill which underpins all other stress-beating strategies. If we can learn to treat ourselves kindly and support ourselves through struggles like during exam time, then everything else becomes a lot easier. Similar to a hug from a friend, being kinder to yourself releases your brain’s feel good chemicals, will helps lift your mood and activates your coping skills.
ACTION: If you would like to test how self-compassionate you are, try this Self-Compassion Quiz to see how self compassionate you are (or not!).
There are 26 statements which you rate depending on how often you behave in that way. Average self-compassion scores tend to be around 3 on the 1-5 scale, where 1-2.5 is low, 2.5-3.5 is moderate and 3.5-5 is high. I just tried it and came out with 2.4, so I have a bit of work to do in being kinder to myself!
ACTION: Listen to this 5 minute “Self-Compassion Break”, which encourages you to think of a challenging situation and to adopt the 3 components of self-compassion, including acknowledging to yourself:
- “This is a moment of suffering. This is really hard right now”.
- “Suffering is a part of life. Others feel the same way as me”.
- “May I be kind to myself in this moment”.
Comfort yourself and try to internalise your feelings of care. Talk to yourself as you would a friend. No matter how tough your day has been, end today with some self-compassion and give yourself an internal “well done” for the nice things you did and for the bit of study that you did get done!
Check out this Self-Compassion worksheet especially for students, which will help you to bring greater compassion to all your thoughts and feelings.
A word of advice for parents and close adults
Well, how did you get on since last week? Did you get a chance to check in with your teenager on how they are feeling about what’s ahead? We talked about the importance of meeting them where they are at by acknowledging and reflecting their feelings back to them (e.g. “It sounds like you are really worried about not getting the points you want. I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling that way”).
In an article I wrote entitled “Validating of children’s feelings promotes positive mental health”, I shared the benefits of developing adaptive strategies to cope with overwhelming feelings, and the significant role parents play in helping their children to problem solve a situation rather than solving the problem for them (e.g. “So you are worried about not getting the points you want. I wonder could we break things down a little and come up with a plan for each exam”).
As I said in a recent radio interview, perspective is something you have which your child is unlikely to have right now. The only way they will hear your perspective is if you acknowledge their feelings, and then ask them what would be the most helpful next step to work on together.
Tune in next time when we will look at “top tips for the day of the exams”.
For more information on my work, go to drmaliecoyne.ie or follow me on Facebook (Dr. Malie Coyne) or on Twitter (@maliecoyne).
Listen here to Bressie and Malie’s interview on the Anton Savage Show, where Bressie shares his experience of exams and we introduce our stress management course.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is intended for information purposes only and represents solely the opinions of this author. If you are seeking help with an emotional or mental health issue, we would strongly encourage you to contact your GP and / or for you to contact support services in this link.
The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.