The cliché, ‘Every cloud had a silver lining’ can come across as somewhat annoying and condescending, especially when you are in the middle of a crisis or just not feeling the best. If it is delivered by a seemingly always chirpy person, it can feel even worse.
But think about it.
Is there any truth in it? Don’t all these old sayings hold at their centre at least a grain of truth?
Things in life don’t usually happen in isolation. An accident occurs: yes, it’s awful; people get hurt or worse; a snide remark is made about culpability; an offhand, gruff response by one or two people may offend.
The upside though is the concern, empathy and good behaviour of other people that stands out against this terrible backdrop. If you really analyse it, the good usually outweighs the bad. More people are nice, helpful and considerate rather than bullying, nasty or downright selfish.
Tragic disasters bring out the best in people; from the emergency services, local businesses to the government and the world at large. The evidence is all around us. People help other people at times like this, however we may only concentrate on the bad stuff, as this is what ‘the News’ feeds us. Unless we are in the thick of these catastrophes it’s hard to see the good, but when we are, faith in human nature is restored – time and time again.
We may not be able to control desperate situations but we do have a measure of control over our reactions to it. Your response will give you either a good, or a bad, outcome. This is a choice we all have.
Therefore, in every bad situation there may be something good – that silver lining in every cloud? – if we just take the time to look.
Brain Training:
You can actually train your brain to look firstly for positives, in EVERY situation, which will balance out the negatives around you.
Cultivating a positive, rather than a negative, mindset is possible and can become a good habit you can practice all the time.
How can this be done?
Start by taking a negative thought and questioning it:
- Is it really true?
- Is it really that bad?
- Can you see any redeeming features in what that person is saying/doing?
- Do I have a choice to walk away?
- Do I have time to consider what I will say to dispel a bad reaction?
Then, as a positive action, you can say the following to yourself:
- Can I handle this in another way?
- Can I pull the positive out of this negative?
- How can this situation have a better outcome?
This really can work, and can become automatic in time.
Change your perspective
If you had the choice between a pair of rose-tinted spectacles and a cloudy pair, which would you choose?
We’ve been taught that seeing the world through rose-tinted goggles is somehow wrong; you are being a bit of a ‘Pollyanna’; you are trying to escape from reality; you are not been authentic, you are in denial….
But again, think about it.
For all the negatives you read about there are probably more positives. For all the awful people you encounter, there are usually far more nice people. One in three marriages ends in divorce, but that means two don’t (don’t quote me on the stats, they’re probably not accurate!)
It’s just the way you look at it.
If you have a positive perspective (rose -tinted spectacles) you will see the good; a negative perspective (the murky ones) – it’s all bad. The balanced perspective of clear lenses, with a touch of pink, is probably the best vantage point to view your world from, with maybe a hint of the cautionary ‘cloudy’ for realism’s sake.
This reminds me of that other old cliché – are you a ‘glass half full or glass half empty’ person? It’s just the way you see the glass.
- If you have half a glass of something, it’s positive because you are seeing something that is there
- if you see that the glass is half empty, you are concentrating on the half that’s not there; you are seeing the absence of the contents, what is gone; the negative.
Positive Reframing
Positive Reframing is the wonderful brain-training process of shifting perspectives.
Take the following negative statement and thought/belief about yourself:
- ‘I’m always late….I am such a bad time-keeper….I’m always saying, ‘Sorry I’m late!’
Your negative thought around this is: ‘I don’t want to be late’
How do you reframe that?
Change it to the positive statement:
- ‘I want to be on time’
The brain hears the ‘I don’t want to be late’ as a negative; it only registers the ‘want to be late’ bit, leaving out the ‘don’t’, so it is actually reinforcing your habit and predilection of being constantly late!
If you DIRECTLY instruct the brain with a positive intention – ‘I want to be on time’ – you have more chance of carrying out your wish – that of ‘being on time’.
Now try these positive statements/intentions:
- I want to be on time
- I want to respect the time of my friend/colleague
- how will I make sure I am on time? I’ll get up a little earlier and make meeting this person my priority
- I will be on time
This will work because it is just a different way of approaching the same thing however the result you get is a positive outcome from a direct command to your brain.
Triumph over Adversity
Author Viktor Frankl wrote about his time spent incarcerated in a German concentration camp during the Second World War. It was, of course, a devastating experience but he watched as some people went around the camp trying to help others, trying to get the best out of such a horrible situation.
What he came up with was:
- his captors could take his freedom, take everything from him, but they couldn’t take his thoughts, his attitudes or his reactions. They remained in his control. So even in such dire, inhuman conditions they could still choose between negative and positive thoughts
Just because we can’t see a cloud’s silver lining, doesn’t mean it’s not there. On a grey day you can’t see the sun, but it’s still shining away behind the cumulus.
A line from a poster I had as a young teen, Desiderata by Max Ehrmann:
‘with all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world’
Look for that silver lining, from a positive perspective, and you’ll probably find it.
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