Have you noticed that your child is displaying symptoms of stress or anxiety? Do you know what these symptoms are? You may have noticed that maybe your child has become withdrawn, is behaving poorly in school and at home, is lacking in focus and concentration, is telling you that they feel worried a lot, is struggling to make and sustain friendships and may even be displaying physical symptoms such as tummy ache or headaches. If any of this sounds familiar to you, then read on.
Life is so busy for all of us nowadays and this includes our children. We are aware of course that they are part of our busy daily schedule (how could we forget!), but what we may well forget is that they are often affected by the ‘busyness’ of our schedules and indeed their schedules. Their minds can become so full and overworked, that they do not realise they are becoming stressed by this.
In some cases, your child’s anxiety may be coming from other causes such as a specific situation occurring in school or with friends. In other cases, your child may be suffering from low self-esteem and lack of confidence in themselves and often, some children have ‘learned’ to worry about everything; from forgetting to bring a copy to school to fretting about their parents not being there forever.
In all of these cases however, there are some simple practical solutions that can really help to ease this anxiety and incorporate well-being practice into your child’s life on a daily basis:
1. Talk to your child.
Try not to ask leading questions; rather just enquire about how they are feeling that day or in that moment. Allow them to list out the feelings like on a shopping list. You could even grab a pen and paper and ask them to write them down. This really helps to clarify what’s happening for them and relieves the pressure they may be experiencing.
2. Practice the Mindful ‘Check-In.’
Ask them to regularly ‘check-in’ with themselves. The recommendation would be that you do this with your child to begin with until they feel confident enough to do it alone. This will empower them to tune in themselves. A great gift. Questions to ask: can you ‘check-in’ with your mind right now? If you were to give your mind a label, what label would you give it? ‘Busy,’ ‘calm,’ ‘anxious’ or ‘excited’ mind? Can you check-in with your tummy? How does your tummy feel? If you notice the muscles are a little tight, breathe gently through your nose and out through your mouth to relax down the tummy muscles. Once you have done this, your child will feel calmer and may be more likely to identify what is going on for them and it can also open a space for talking about an issue that they may be struggling with.
3. Practice the P.N.B. Encourage your child to learn how to pause and breathe.
We call this N.B. (Pause. Notice. Breathe). We pause, notice feelings that arise but try not to make them any bigger and breathe gently through the nose and out through the mouth. This slows everything down and the more often your child practices this, the more they will be able to use it as a regular skill that is naturally incorporated into their day.
4. Create a worry box
This can be a great resource for your child where they write down anything that is happening for them on a sheet of paper and place it in the worry box each day. They have the option of discussing it with you then. This helps to ‘declutter’ the mind a little and identify what is going on.
5. Create a calm box
This is where your child chooses certain items that make them feel happy or calm. Use your child’s five senses: smell (lavender/vanilla soap or beads etc.), touch (a teddy, soft cushion, playdough, stress ball), sight (funny photo or photo of a precious memory), sound (relaxing music or your child’s favourite music), taste (a small treat to eat). They can go to their calm box when they feel that they need it.
6. Set up a relaxing space
Set up a relaxing space in your child’s bedroom where they can go to when they need to. Keep it simple – blanket, cushions, a worry box and a calm box. Not only is this space important in what your child will gain from using it, but knowing that they have this space to go to and that you care enough about them to help them create it can really help to ease their anxiety. It is so often the feeling that they are alone in their anxiety that causes them to worry even more. Tip: Promote independence by allowing your child to choose their blankets and cushions themselves.
7. Remember that these skills have a much better chance of working for your child in a long-term sustainable manner if they are used on a daily basis.
It is similar to brushing your teeth or eating food; if these skills are not incorporated regularly, they will be unlikely to take effect at a deeper level. Also remember that if you feel that the issue with your child is continuing despite having used these strategies regularly with them over a number of weeks, then you may need to consider referring your child to a GP/counsellor to investigate the issues further.
© Ann-Marie Ireland 2015
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