Bullying: tips for parents and children

Many children will be heading back to school this week. Most will be happy to see their friends but some are dreading the end of summer because it means they will have to face into bullying.

When your child is being bullied, it’s hard to concentrate on anything else. All you want to do is make it stop immediately. Bullying can make a child feel lonely, unhappy, frightened, and unsafe and think that there must be something wrong with them. Bullying can have long-term consequences but the earlier children learn to respond to it the less likely it is to have long-term effects.

Here are some tips about what parents or guardians can do to address bullying:

1. Environment – Talk to your child about bullying and cyber-bullying. It is important that a child grows up in a home where aggression and bullying is condemned. Don’t wait until a bullying incident happens to talk about bullying with your child. Get used to discussing it so it is not so strange when it does occur. Let your child know it’s okay to talk to friends, parents, teachers, and other adults about anything that concerns them.
2. Blame – It is important to make your child aware that bullying can happen to anyone – it can happen to adults and children and so it is not their fault. The message that needs to be conveyed is that the problem lies with the person doing the bullying, that he or she has some unresolved personal or emotional issues.
3. Listen – If your child is being bullied, listen to what she or he is saying and be supportive.
4. Empower – Help your child develop their own problem solving skills, do not jump in to rescue your child. Ask your child how they think the problem can stop. Think of it as a problem-solving opportunity. This will help your child deal with problems in adult life by empowering their decision making and problem solving skills. It is best to allow your child to work out conflict by him or herself, but sometimes parental involvement may be necessary. Always discuss things with your child before you take action. If you don’t do this you might damage your relationship with your child. An option could be to meet with the other child’s parents’.
5. Role Play – Do a role play with your child as to how they would like to respond to the person who is doing the bullying. Let children know they can talk to the person bullying them if they feel comfortable. He/she can look the bully in the eye and tell them to stop.
6. Help – Encourage your child to get help from school personnel. Explain to your child that this isn’t tattle-tailing. They have a right to be safe. Consider the option of counselling as your child may benefit from same.
7. Talk with school personnel – Reach out to those who work with your child at school and share information about your concerns. Speak with the principal and if that fails make a complaint in writing to the board of management. You may also contact the ‘Patron’ of the school (usually the bishop). The school should have an anti-bullying policy and formal steps to follow as to how to deal with it. A complainant may also choose to refer a case to the Ombudsman for Children oco.ie who may investigate complaints about public services provided to children under the age of 18, including services registered with the Department of Education and Skills education.ie provided that local complaints procedures’ have first been fully followed.
8. Monitor and record all bullying incidents. If your child is being bullied then keep your own written records of the names, dates, times, and circumstances of bullying incidents. Submit a copy of this report to the school principal. Take photographs of any physical bruises.
9. Online resource – Tackle Bullying, an online forum for teenagers who want to share their experiences of bullying or offer others support or advice. tacklebullying.ie
10. Encourage confidence in your child by encouraging their interests, abilities and talents through involvement in clubs, sports youth groups, and community activities. Highlighting their strengths creates confidence in children and provides them with opportunities to make other friends.

Tips for children who are bullied:

• Act Confident – in a firm and clear voice tell the person who is doing the bullying to stop it or that you will report their behaviour.
• Use humour – using humour can help diffuse the tactics of the person who is doing the bullying. Humour denies the upset reaction which the person doing the bullying wants. So practice or role play witty response so for example if a child says ‘you’re dumb’ then you can say ‘that makes two of us.’ Or you could say ‘Thanks’ and laugh it off. Laugh it off or say nothing but don’t show them that you are bothered by their comment.
• Tell a trusted adult about what is going on.
• Make a list of things you would like to see happen.
• Find out about your school’s anti-bullying policy.

If you are being bullied online:

• Save the evidence
• Block the person who is bullying you.