Are you honest with yourself? You probably are having a hard time answering this question because you know you are not or aren’t sure what being honest with yourself really means.
The truth is human beings are hard-wired to create the perfect impression of themselves even when things aren’t right. Maybe it’s due to over-confidence, under-confidence, self-deception, placebo or prototype effects. But lying to yourself makes things worse and this affects your long term positivism. Sigmund Freud said that “being entirely honest with oneself is a good exercise.”
However, most of us don’t abide by this principle and we often find ourselves struggling with pessimism, negative mind-set, lack of ambition, feeling submerged in a life of negativity and much more.
Why is being honest important?
Being honest with yourself is key to living your life to the full. Not only does it have positive impact on yourself but also to people around you. Being honest allows you to have a positive mindset even when life throws lemons at you, and instead of “running to the hills,” you gather up courage and face the problem by making “lemonade.”
Honesty also helps you detect self-deception that we use as a smokescreen to mask our problems. Yes, you may be jobless and in financial ruin, but unless you accept this situation first, you will find yourself struggling to maintain your lifestyle rather than adjusting to the current situation. Clark Moustakas said “Accept everything about yourself–I mean everything, you are you and that is the beginning and the end–no apologies, no regrets.”
Signs that indicate you are not honest with yourself
Many people will claim to be honest with themselves but deep down they are not. In fact, some won’t even know that they are not and will continue to experience negativity in their lives. If you ever find yourself shifting blame on others all the time, chances are you are suffering from self-deception. You are too blind to see fault in you not because it doesn’t exist but because you have put a barrier to the problems. Dr. Suess states “Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.” Simply put, it means that honesty begins with you and not the people around you.
Many people abide by the “Fake it till you make it” rule. They will be in a relationship that has been dead for years, will take flowers to a colleague in hospital yet they despise him/her, will sing praises to their annoying boss, or will get married just because society says so even when they don’t want to. All these situations are fake and will have negative effects. You will despise your spouse, hate being married, dislike your colleague or boss, hate your job and most critical you will be destroying your soul.
“By your own soul, learn to live and if men thwart you take no heed. If men hate you have no care. Sing your song, dream your dream, hope your hope and pray your prayer.” – Parkenham Beatty
Living an honest life
Living an honest life is hard. You constantly need to evaluate your situations, accept reality and always work hard to remain true to yourself. At times you will have to make hard and life-changing decisions such as filing for divorce so as to get back your life and self confidence, letting go of a promising career that was draining you physically or emotionally, or even cutting links with your friends who may be derailing you. And as Henry David Thoreau said “The only way to speak the truth is to speak lovingly.” You can always handle the negativity in a positive manner without hurting others or secluding oneself. After all, positivism is infectious and will spread to those around you.
Keeping track of your progress
Keeping a diary helps you put a check on your progress. It will shed light on the different emotions and how you handled them, your thoughts which are the real reflections of your inner self, and your behaviour which is an indicator of your ability to embrace positivity. Using affirmations is also a step in the right direction as it instils self-belief, openness and creates a positive mindset. While some may see a mountain you will see a small hill. Rather than throwing away the bitter lemons you will make lemonade. This was best put forth by Maya Angelou when she said “A bird doesn’t sing because it has an answer, it sings because it has a song.”
Being honest with yourself isn’t easy and doesn’t take place overnight. It requires lots of dedication, willpower, sacrifice and patience. However, its benefits both short-term and long-term will outweigh the struggles and sacrifices. Not only will you enjoy longer term peace of mind and greater positivity but by being honest you also change the world around you. “A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” – Winston Churchill
To check out more of Marcus’s writing go to psysci.co