Become a more mindful family

Most parents would agree that what children need to develop into their true potential is a strong family unit, one where their beautiful and vital souls can take root and begin the journey towards healthy adulthood.

Equally it can be said that we too, as parents, also need a secure stable family life to take refuge in from the increasing pressures we face, to allow for our own necessary growth and to feel more alive.

Yet more and more modern day living seems to put great pressure on or destroy what we consider to be most important and meaningful to us, family. The statistics make us believe that family break up is on the increase and the consequences of this massive societal wound are immeasurable. More worrying is that many families are just surviving, but definitely not thriving. As a person who has the privilege to work with those who courageously face their wounds, I consistently see that many of their psychological ailments are rooted firmly in family breakdown or dysfunction. There is no doubt that there is no such a thing as a perfect family, but I believe we can reach a standard of care within our families that minimises hurt and promotes vitality, closeness and fulfilment.

So how do we do this in a world that, in the short term anyway, is not going to slow down or reduce its demands on us? This is why I would like to introduce parents and thereby children to the important benefits of Contemplative Education. Already I can hear people say “what has this subject got to do with the psychological welfare of the family?” The answer is simple. Contemplative Education is to do with educating ourselves about that which is under attack from increasing stress, namely the body, mind and the brain. Is it important? Yes and most leading universities throughout the world are developing a keen interest in this area.

We now know that we can do a lot to train our minds and brains. In reality, we are by default training them to be destructive as opposed to constructive and consequentially, the states of our minds are directly impacting negatively on both ourselves and our families. What is frightening is how little is known about the mind by health professionals. Dan Siegel, a leading neuro psychiatrist who has spoken to over 100,000 health professionals asked all of them how many had been trained in understanding the mind. 2 to 5 percent replied that they had. So if the majority of our health professionals don’t know much about mind, then it is safe to suggest that, more than likely, most people don’t understand mind either. However, I believe we are beginning to see a change as more people are beginning to show a greater interest in learning about the mind as evidenced in the growth of mindfulness and self-awareness.

More so than any other time, we now know more at this stage in the 21st century about stress and its effects on our minds, brains and ultimately our relationships. What Contemplative Education does is makes it very clear that if we do not approach parenting from the inside out, that is, taking care of our interior selves, both mind and body, then the state of our minds impacts negatively on the development of our children. Let’s look at what happens to the average parent who is experiencing a lot of stress. If this stress does not get a chance to be released, it builds up in the nervous system, which directly has a profound impact on the brain and therefore influencing our minds. As the stress builds, parts of the brain to do with primitive instincts begin to become dominant, shutting down or diminishing the influence of other parts of the brain responsible for empathy and compassion.

So the more stressed we become, the less empathic we become and therefore we begin to lose touch with ourselves and sadly become less empathic partners and parents. We also become more reactive leading to more explosive or depressive behaviour. To summarise, the escalating stress we face if left unchecked causes a breakdown in communication between the different parts of our brain and diminishing our ability to use our full minds, often leading to breakdown in ourselves, our families and communities. Developing a regular contemplative practice like mindfulness, creates and restores a whole functioning or coherent brain, allowing us to be creative, present and compassionately in touch with ourselves and each other. I invite you to begin your contemplative education if you have not already started.

Six recommendations to start you and your family towards contemplative education and practice:

1. Address the nature deficit disorder – families need to get out more into natural wilderness settings. By just being out in nature, our senses become more engaged, bringing us more into the present moment and being more centred.
2. Research has shown even preschool kids benefit from small amounts ofmindful breathing leading to more integrative brains and empathy towards other kids. Introduce your very young children to slow, mindful breathing just for about two minutes.
3. Watch YouTube Mathieu Richard’s Ted talk on the habits of happiness.
4. All parents could greatly benefit from reading Dan Siegel’s enlightening Book “Parenting from the inside out”
5. Most importantly Parents begin a daily mindful practice just start with 15 minutes.
6. Reduce mindless watching TV and mindless listening to radio particularly in the car begin to cultivate an appreciation for silent space.