This is week 5 of Dr. Clare’s A Lust for Life online CBT course. Here are WEEK 1 and WEEK 2 and WEEK 3 and WEEK 4 if you missed them. It’s best to follow it week by week and take your time with the processes suggested. Good luck!
How did your detective work go? Were you able to find evidence to support your new healthier core beliefs?
Rate how strongly you hold your old maladaptive core belief and how much you hold the new one. Have the figures changed much since the first time you rated them? These exercises can take a few weeks at least to produce significant change so don’t be disheartened.
Remember, these core beliefs and negative thoughts have been around for much of your life. They take weeks if not months of repeated daily practice to change so don’t be disheartened if the numbers are still the same. DO KEEP GOING. What’s the pay-off for all this hard work you might ask? Well I’m guessing that a healthy, happy, you would be a big one.
Sometimes when we believe something we act in particular ways which just confirm our beliefs even more. It makes sense that it will be easier to have faith in our new, healthy beliefs if we stop finding as much evidence for the old ones. In order to do this we have to put a halt to the following:
1. Times when we surrender to our core beliefs.
This simply means behaving as if our core beliefs were true. For example, if I have a core belief that I am not as good as other people, then when my boss looks for people to apply for a promotion I behave as if I am not as good as my colleagues and refuse to apply. Similarly, if I believe I am not as good as other people and I surrender to this I might stay in a relationship with a very critical partner who confirms to me that I am not as good as others.
2. Times when we over-compensate for our core beliefs.
This happens when we are so threatened by our core belief that we excessively fight against it. For example, I believe that I am not as good as others so I go out of my way to show my boss that I am the best employee she has ever had by working 80 hours a week and volunteering to do everything even though I’m already overwhelmed with work (cue STRESS!!!). In a personal relationship this might mean that I have to be the best daughter/brother/partner EVER and if I fail at this by getting annoyed or upset at the other person then I will beat myself up mentally until I’m black and blue. When we over-compensate we set such rigid, impossible standards for ourselves we can only fail.
3. Times when we avoid situations that trigger our core beliefs
Having negative core beliefs makes us feel…. well… rubbish. It makes sense that we would just want to avoid having to think about them at all. Sure why would we when they cause us emotional chaos. But then again, if we never own up to our beliefs we never get to challenge them and that means we miss out on things that could make us truly happy. If I believe ‘I’m defective, there’s something wrong with me’ I might avoid making new friends or becoming close to people, then I get to avoid having to even think about my own sense of ‘defectiveness’. But then I never get to learn from friends and people who love me that actually I can be a bit of craic sometimes or I’m a kind person. If I believe that ‘I’m incompetent’ I might stop going to classes and drop out of school or college before the exams so I don’t have to face my own incompetence. Again if I keep doing this I never learn that hey I’m rubbish at maths but I’m okay at english.
So what’s the solution?
Well it’s pretty simple… you’ve got to start acting as if your new, healthy core beliefs are true. Start noticing when you are over-compensating for, surrendering to or avoiding your core beliefs and instead of doing that think of how you would behave if you really fully believed your new healthy belief.
How would someone else behave if they thought they were not just the same as other people or if they believed they were a good-enough person or if they believed they were competent and capable? The science shows that even if we don’t feel that something is true we can still act as if it is. And if we act as if it is true then guess what? It becomes true!
Check out this fascinating Ted Talk to learn more about faking it till you make it.
And when you notice you’re feeling blue or anxious, ask yourself how much am I buying into my old core belief right now? Remind yourself the feeling is coming from an old place and not the one you are in right now!
So your homework for the next week (at least) is:
- Keep working on building evidence for your new core beliefs.
- Notice when you over-compensate, surrender or avoid your core beliefs and do what you would do if you held healthy core beliefs.
- Keep challenging the anxious or depressed thoughts you may experience.
Disclaimer: The information provided on this blog is intended for information purposes only and represents solely the opinions of this author. If you are seeking diagnosis or treatment of a mental health problem you should consult your GP or mental health professional. The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.