This is week 4 of Dr. Clare’s A Lust for Life online CBT course. Here are WEEK 1 and WEEK 2 and WEEK 3 if you missed it. It’s best to follow it week by week and take your time with the processes suggested.
Hopefully by now you have learned to catch some unhelpful thoughts, label them and generate alternatives that leave you feeling less worried, sad or unhappy. However, this is the bit in my own practice that I see people struggling with the most.
It’s the bit after you’ve invested time and energy in something and before it begins to pay off and naturally that’s a frustrating and demotivating time. If you’re having thoughts of jacking it in and giving up your CBT practice DON’T!!! You are not alone in this, losing motivation is a normal part of any change. If I can give you one piece of advice, it’s to KEEP GOING, this stuff is evidence based for a reason… because with time and practice it works.
This week we are going to focus on core beliefs. Essentially our core beliefs are the basic beliefs we hold about ourselves, the world and other people. These beliefs tend to be constructed during our childhood and very much depend on our earlier experiences. If we spend our early years with people who tell us that we are valuable and lovable and treat us in the same way we will emerge into adulthood believing that we are valuable and lovable.
If we spend our early years with people who criticise our actions and treat us as if we are incapable, we will eventually believe that we are incapable and unable to do anything right. The reason why core beliefs are so important is that they guide our thinking patterns and our behavior throughout our life. So, all those thoughts that you have been catching over the past few weeks are coming from your core beliefs!
Doesn’t it make sense now that if we can change our negative core beliefs then it can have a big impact on our wellbeing?
But before we start changing core beliefs you will need to do a bit of work on identifying them…
Below is a list of the core beliefs that I think are the most common. Print out the list and beside each statement record how much you believe it applies to you using percentages. For example, taking the statement ‘I’m incompetent’, if you fully believe that write 100% beside it, if you don’t believe it at all then write 0%.
Common core beliefs
- I am worthless
- I am needy
- I am incompetent
- There is something wrong with me
- I am a failure
- I am unlovable
- I am in danger
- I am not as good as other people
- There is something so wrong with me that others will not love me or want to be with me
- I am weak
- I am good for nothing
- I am a bad person
- The world is an unsafe place
- Other people will hurt me
Other beliefs you have may occur to you while reading this list. That’s fine, identifying the most relevant beliefs for YOU is the most important thing to do.
Holding any of the above beliefs is going to have a negative impact on your quality of life as it is likely to make you feel anxious or blue. Changing the ones that you believe in most strongly is a priority but in time make some attempt to tackle all of those you hold.
3 steps to changing core beliefs
- The first step to changing your core beliefs is acknowledging that just because you believe in something, that doesn’t make it true. Once you understand that what you believe isn’t necessarily true – that it’s just a belief, this opens up an opportunity to change it. Remember that we seek out evidence to support our beliefs. If you have a core belief that you are incompetent you have probably spent a long time digging around and finding evidence for this. Make a commitment to yourself to use your efforts to find evidence for the new belief rather than falling back onto evidence for the old one. We know you already have that!
- Starting with one or two beliefs, decide on what alternative beliefs you would like to hold. Try and choose decisive language. Divide a blank page into 2 columns and write both beliefs down, rating how much you believe in them. For example, if you hold the belief ‘I am worthless’ (80%) an alternative belief might be ‘I am a valuable human being’ (20%) rather than ‘sometimes I am valuable, sometimes I am not’. If you hold the belief ‘I am not as good as other people’ (90%), an alternative belief might be ‘I am just as good as everybody else’ (10%).
- Tell somebody you trust what your core belief is and the new belief you want to create. They can be your co-detective helping you to find evidence to support the new belief. Dedicate the next week to finding all the evidence you can to support your new healthy core belief and record it in the column below. DO NOT record evidence to support the old belief. Also, remember that you are not trying to change the old belief. Our brains are funny, the more we try to change something the more we focus on it and the more difficult it becomes. Focusing on something new rather than changing something old makes the whole process easier.
Here are a couple of useful and detailed free guides to balancing core beliefs
Improving Self-Esteem
Core Beliefs
Disclaimer: The information provided on this blog is intended for information purposes only and represents solely the opinions of this author. If you are seeking diagnosis or treatment of a mental health problem you should consult your GP or mental health professional. The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.
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