In the days and weeks after my personal story about healing anorexia was published on the A Lust for Life website I received so much positive feedback from family and friends. It was a huge step forward for me and a weight was instantly lifted from my shoulders.
Although I was very much in a position to talk about my illness, in recent years I still felt people did not know the whole story. Putting it all down on paper (or online) meant my family, friends and most importantly anyone else out there going through a similar situation would be able to read it and hopefully relate to it in their own way.
I may be wrong but I think everyone reaches a point in their life where they need to “find themselves” or maybe they feel lost or not sure what path they should take. I have been guilty of feeling like I should be something or have achieved something by certain points in my life. After spending time worrying about this I eventually realised it was me who was putting this pressure on myself, nobody else. I had to learn it was okay to go through life at my own pace and do certain things when the time was right, for me. I have trusted that everything will happen when the time is right.
I have found it very helpful sitting down and writing out what my values are. I find that when I relate back to them it gives me a sense of reassurance. I am by no means a “guru” but I do try to always focus on the positives in my life and doing so has been a huge advantage to me in my recovery. I have been fortunate enough to get my life back and feel so grateful for this.
I have put together the values that work for me and in doing so I hope they will help someone who might be feeling a bit lost or unsure of themselves. They all relate to one another, are fairly self-explanatory and easy to comprehend and incorporate into life.
Keeping it simple, everybody can S.H.I.N.E
Self-compassion
We are all guilty of being too hard on ourselves, maybe working long hours, training too hard, staying in stressful situations, criticising ourselves too much. We are also awful as a nation for never being able to fully receive a compliment. It’s like an automatic reflex if someone gives a compliment, it is generally answered with something negative. Why can’t we just accept that somebody is being kind and just reply with a “thank you”? Please, be kind to yourself. You have one body, so take care of it. Talk to yourself the way you would speak to your best friend.
Honesty
Of course we should be honest with others but here I mean being honest with ourselves. It can take some time and practice to be able to tune in and listen to what we want and need in life, but it’s worth creating the space and time to do that, rather than staying on auto pilot constantly. Many of us spend time in situations we are not happy in, causing us to be stressed and miserable. We often feel left on a path in life we do not know how to get off. I think it is important to honestly ask ourselves what we truly want, be it related to our career, where we live, or the types of relationships we want in our life. Tune in, listen and then take the small steps you need to take, day by day to make the change you know in your heart you need to make.
Identity
This ties in very closely with being honest with ourselves. Our identity is who we really are and is very individual. It is so easy to get caught up in becoming someone else or something else. Social media pressure is seeping into many of our life experiences now, whether we are consciously aware of it or not. People idolise people and do all in their power to become like these ‘celebrities’. We should be proud of who we are and comfortable with who we are. As the Oscar Wilde quote goes ‘Be yourself, everyone else is taken’.
No to Negativity
Yes, I am indeed talking about the art of being Positive. We can all play a part in avoiding unnecessary negative situations in life. Being around overly negative people does affect us and we can often come away feeling down without intending to. Having a positive outlook on life, surrounding yourself with people who nourish you and being grateful for what you have rather than what you don’t have, can completely change the way your day goes.
Engage
I am a big believer that people need people. Everywhere you look now so many of us are attached to some device, be it to a laptop, tablet, phone etc. I think this is madness and we are becoming more and more disconnected as a result. The saying “a problem shared is a problem halved” is so true. In order for this to happen we need to talk, face to face. Try to make an effort each day to have a chat with someone, and put the phone away if you are out with family or friends. A friendship can last a lifetime whereas a battery has a limited lifespan.