I was doing a job I hated, there were no opportunities to find another and I started hating myself. In one sentence, this is what my life looked like one year ago.
One negative thought led to another. I was in the vicious cycle of depression and I did not know how to break it. I was stuck in a place in my life where pessimism determined every single day and consequently my entire life.
I knew I had to change myself, to change my outlook on life, but I did not know how to do it. I read thousands of Internet articles dealing with positive thinking. However, I did not truly believe in them. They produced only temporary results and soon enough I would find myself feeling the same negative emotions: hopelessness and despair. Then I came to the conclusion: If I cannot make myself get on the right path, I need to find someone to help me.
Spiritual Retreats
I decided to book a spiritual retreat in Australia called the Rejuvenator. And I think this is the best decision I made in my life. During the three days I spent in Living Valley Health Retreat, I had time to focus on myself and on what I was going to do with my life. No TV, no computer, no bad news, no job I hated, just a beautiful nature around me. I took up one-to-one counselling sessions, as well. I can honestly say they supported me believe (and more deeply understand) in all those articles I read online. I needed someone, a professional in his/her field to talk through it all. The time I spent in Living Valley was just a starting point for my positive thinking story. I needed to continue to work on myself in the aftermath.
Here is a link to some retreats in Ireland if interested in doing something like this.
Better Understanding Optimism vs. Pessimism
Optimistic people differ from pessimists in three specific things. They believe that negative events are temporary and limited in scope and have internal causes. In contrast, pessimistic people believe that any negative event will pervade their entire life, has external causes and will last forever. Changing yourself from a pessimist to an optimist requires you to be conscious of a situation when you are having negative thoughts. When I caught myself having a pessimistic worldview, I take a deep breath (Yoga Deep Breathing Techniques helped me here) and I start answering the following questions on a piece of paper:
- Did the recent event happen because of me (internal causes), or because of something, or someone else (external causes)?
- Is the event a temporary occurrence, or it will last forever?
- Does it affect my whole life, or is it only a solitary occurrence affecting one aspect of my life?
If a problem has internal causes, there is a solution. If the issue is caused by external forces, no matter how hard you try, you will not be able to change the circumstances you are in. This means acceptance of what is and allowing of what is, to just be. It’s a process but cultivating acceptance and allowing of what is, truly helps.
The fact I could not find a job I liked for example is not a result of there being no opportunities out there for me, but of the situation where perhaps it wasn’t the right time for me, or I had perhaps been looking in the wrong places or was stuck in negative thinking patterns. My problem of doing a job I hate is a temporary thing which I can and I will change. It does not affect my whole life and it does not define my entire life. I can be happy when I am not working and can always look for and appreciate moments of happiness within any situation. I can also focus on my favourite hobby, cooking, when I have free time outside of work.
What Does Negative Self-Talk Do to Our Brain?
I read a study conducted by Barbara Fredrickson, a positive psychology researcher at the University of North Carolina. During her experiment, Barbara divided participants into five groups. Each group was shown different film clips to watch. The two groups were given two clips dealing with positive emotions of joy and contentment. The other two groups were shown clips portraying fear and anger. The fifth group watched a clip producing no significant emotion. The participants were asked to imagine themselves in the same situation and to write down on a piece of paper what they would do. Those who watched positive emotions clips had the highest number of responses, even more than the neutral group. Individuals who were shown negative emotions clips had the fewest responses.
The results of the study demonstrate that negative self-talk can make you see fewer possibilities and opportunities in life. In these situations, you can only think of the negative event. The rest of the world together with more positive aspects of the situation does not matter. The only thing you can do is to take a pause and take a deep breath in order to become conscious of your thoughts.
Why am I writing all of this? Well, because I implemented positive thinking strategies and as a result became a happier person throughout the year. And, you may be surprised when you hear this, but I also found a new job!