“Love and Compassion are necessities, not luxuries. Without them humanity cannot survive.” The Dalai Lama.
Buddhism refers to ‘enlightenment’, a state that most cannot reach without suffering and difficulty, not to mention hours of daily meditation! It is commonly believed that you must undergo an incredible ‘awakening’ in order to reach this state. This sought-after state is so revered that even the most “spiritual” of gurus say that they are still striving for the unattainable.
Perhaps it is more beneficial and accessible to think of this state as nothing less, or indeed more, than an achievable and sustainable state of inner peace.
Our historical legacy has infected us with the idea that it is unrealistic to be ‘happy’ all of the time, that life is hard and that we must accept our fate and struggle on: suffering is a necessary part of life. While it is true that we cannot avoid suffering, is it wise to dwell on it even when it is not present?
To suffer is to resist what is and when we accept what is, we are essentially free from the cause of our suffering. Acceptance is freedom from suffering. This is not to say that we should not actively try to solve problems or to engage with life fully, more that we should not expend valuable emotional and psychological energy on negative emotions and suffering.
Compassion is the key to accepting suffering. When you extend compassion to those who may have harmed you, you release yourself from suffering. Holding onto anger and pain that others have caused you is similar to holding hot coal in your hand and wondering why it hurts.
It is more than possible for most of us to find a place of emotional stability where we can enjoy a peaceful and tranquil life; where we are free from the constant leakage of negative emotions and feelings which hold us back, slow down our thinking and eventually can cause us to get ill. It is also more than realistic for us to reach our full potential, to focus on shining a light on our strengths and redeeming features and to live in peace. It is also possible to be spiritually aware. ‘Spirituality’ is unique to everyone and as a word is open to many interpretations. However the essence of a life lived spiritually is simple and means being at peace with yourself and showing compassion to those around you.
If you are a Roman Catholic, a Muslim, a Jew or a Buddhist you will be guided by the teachings of your religion and faith. Religions provide a structure and moral code that gives certainty to their followers. This is why religious thought and practice is so prevalent and important. The human desire for certainty in an uncertain world is a strong innate desire. We are all in the habit of seeking certainty and security in our lives.
If you are an atheist or even an agnostic you are also seeking certainty, albeit without reference to a God. Whether you are religious or not, real certainty must come from within. You can cultivate faith in yourself by letting your own inner light guide you in finding this strength and trust.
The Habit of Respect
How you behave towards your fellow human beings is an indicator of how you respect yourself. Many of the negative traits in other people that irritate us are actually the very ones we fear exist in ourselves and are subconscious. For example, you may get annoyed with your partner for appearing stressed when it is really you who is under pressure and feeling stressed.
Psychologically, this is referred to as mirroring; we are all mirrors to each other and subconsciously transfer our own fears, doubts and anxieties onto the people we love (particularly the person we love the most). By practicing an awareness of this mechanism our relationships vastly improve. In his essay “Finding Happiness after Harvard” American psychiatrist, George Vailliant surveyed 268 Harvard students who had graduated in 1942-1944 to find the key aspects of how to maintain a happy disposition. When they were re-interviewed in 2000, his findings demonstrated that the students who had an ability to deal with suffering and moreover the ability to maintain strong and healthy relationships had led happier lives.
Learning to care for and love yourself unconditionally is paramount and the next logical step is to extend this love and compassion to the people in your life. In simple terms, this comes down to respect. When you respect other people, you choose not to treat them with anger, irritability and hostility. Patience here is key and this can be cultivated through awareness. People who have little or no patience and say, “well that’s just the way I am,” are conveniently avoiding the issue. If we applied the same principle to all aspects of our personality we would be stuck with patterns of behaviour that are not beneficial to ourselves or the people we love. Patience is a strong element of compassion; if we are patient with our children, families and work colleagues we are in effect saying, “I respect you enough to wait, to understand and to help you.”
Compassion is in essence a gift of love to yourself and to those around you; it provides the key to freedom from any unwanted suffering and moreover it allows you to thrive and to reach your full positive potential.
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