“The greatest glory is not in falling, but in rising each time you fall” - Nelson Mandela
Think for a moment of a time when you did well, where you felt satisfied with your performance, where you felt happy. Now, think of a time when you did not do so well, where your performance was below-par, where you felt like a failure. Were there obstacles in both situations? Was there a certain amount of effort put into both tasks? More than likely, both experiences involved an amount of work, of facing numerous challenges, of overcoming certain barriers, and of being persistent, even when it was difficult.
Finally, imagine replacing the image of your failings with the vision of you succeeding, of rising to an encounter like you have previously done in the first self-reflection. Do you feel more competent to take on a task now?
What you are doing here is tapping into your resiliency; the skill of being able to bounce-back from adversity, to thrive in the face of challenges and grow. Resilience offers us the opportunity to react to any given situation with flexible thinking, optimism, self-efficacy, empathy and the ability to regulate and manage emotions.
Resiliency allows us to remember that we are not our current situation; that the map is not the territory as Alfred Korzybski coined. Meaning you are in the driver’s seat, you can control what road to take, and even if you make a wrong turn, there is always the option to turn around and head towards where you want to be. This phrase metaphorically illustrates the differences between what belief’s we hold and the actual reality of a situation.
While there are people who may find it easier to recover after a period of difficulty, research from psychologists such as Dr. Martin Seligman have found that resilience can be honed and developed. Effectively, we can build our resourcefulness to overcome hardship, as opposed to relying on resources to do so. This is also in contrast to the “positive vibes only”, or “it’ll be grand” attitude we sometimes come into contact with. Being resilient is maintaining an attitude of active optimism, that it will be grand because of the steps you are taking to make it so. Those who lack resilience skills may shy away from difficult situations, maintaining their current situation as one of contentment and comfort. Yet, are these people acting to their potential? No.
People who lack resilience are fostering failure by giving up. Such individuals believe that by not putting effort in to a particular goal or project, they are not subject to feelings of inadequacy. In work, they lack the belief that they could be chosen for promotion, and so stop trying. They plateau, hit a pause button on themselves, and effectively, remain stagnant. However, we can learn ways to become more resilient and turn a setback into a comeback.
Cultivating resilience involves elements of self-reflection, of comprehending what has happened, and working out how the event fits in with our life narrative. To do so, we can follow the ABC model, as developed by Dr. Albert Eillis. We begin by looking at A; the adverse event. We then move onto B; the belief about the event or situation. From here, we move to C; the consequence of the situation, how it is impacting how we feel and act. We then bring in D; dispute. Argue with yourself, look for evidence of your belief and consequence, focus on alternative ways of thinking, and consider the implications of your belief and consequence. Lastly, look at the usefulness of this thought; for instance if you believed that because an acquaintance failed to acknowledge you on the street that you must have done something wrong, and as a result that you must be a bad person. Now consider how these thoughts may make you feel. If you replaced this belief with one where perhaps the acquaintance didn’t see you, or they were having a bad day, you can rationalise that their behaviour is not a reflection of you personally and continue on with your day.
We spend so much time in our heads, over-thinking, analysing, and catastrophising, that sometimes it is difficult to remove ourselves from the episode of our lives and objectively decide how to act, how to feel, and how to think. By practicing this ABC model, and by thinking of prior periods of successes, we can foster resilience, leading to an increase in happiness, better relationships, higher life satisfaction, and a reduced sense of anxiety and depression. Be flexible in your mindset, allow yourself to grow, to learn and develop.
“The moment we believe that success is determined by an ingrained level of ability instead of resilience and hard-work, we will be brittle in the face of adversity” – Josh Waitzkin
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