Excellence does not require perfection

Best-selling author and clinical psychologist Dr Harriet Braiker famously said “Striving for excellence motivates you; striving for perfection is demoralising”. Similarly, writer Henry James said “Excellence does not require perfection”. But what did these two individuals mean by these quotes, and how do such quotes apply to our current daily lives?

Well, until recently, in work, sport and life, striving for perfection was often considered the gold standard, or ‘Holy Grail’ of any performance. The term ‘perfection’ is one we, as human beings, hear a lot and are exposed to frequently from an early age. It is a term that, over time for many individuals, has become a dreaded word. Why? Well, perhaps it is because the term often involves setting standards so high that they become unattainable, leaving us feeling deflated and unsatisfied with our day-to-day performances across many areas of life.

As my previous piece here on ‘A Lust for Life’ stated, the SMART principle of goal setting advises us to set goals that are realistic. Consider then, are you setting such goals in your everyday lives? If not, it may be time to change your thinking around how you set your targets in different areas of your life, and how you evaluate your performances also.

Thankfully, the conversation around mental health, emotional well-being and happiness has moved away from the term ‘perfection’ and towards what may be considered a much better term, that of ‘excellence’. Why is this word a better term to use, and a better target to aim for when ‘performing’ in any area of life?

Well, consider this: what do people who seek excellence do, and think, in contrast to those who typically set ‘perfection’ as their ultimate goal?

1. Seekers of excellence typically set goals that are challenging, yet these goals remain within their reach. In contrast, individuals who tend to seek out perfection in their performances often set unattainable goals, because what is the perfect performance, in anything, and who decides this ‘gold standard’?  If perfection remains your ‘gold standard’ in various areas of your life, ask yourself, are you left feeling constantly disappointed with your daily efforts to perform, whether that is as a parent, as a student, as a friend, or indeed, as an athlete?
2. Seekers of excellence often report feeling happier with whom they are, while in contrast, individuals who seek out perfection frequently have been found to state they are only happy when they consider what they have achieved on a daily basis. In other words, they base their happiness on what they do, rather than on who they are.
3. Seekers of excellence also often cite how they learn lessons from their defeats. In contrast, those who seek perfection often report feeling more devastated by their defeats when compared to their ‘excellence-seeking’ colleagues. The perfection-seekers frequently state they have difficulty moving on from errors or defeats. As was featured in my Building Resilience piece here on A Lust for Life also, they would typically find it very difficult to ‘bounce back’ from setbacks or defeats experienced within their lives.
4. Seekers of excellence are not afraid to identify their mistakes. They often view them as opportunities to learn new lessons, to establish areas for improvement in their lives. They often use these lessons to motivate themselves, to help them strive to do better on their next attempted performances in various areas of their lives. They realize their mistakes do not define who they are, that is, people of value with lots of strengths and qualities to be proud of. In contrast, perfection-seekers tend to dwell on their mistakes and often have difficulty forgetting them. They may report their failures are like events that play over and over in their minds, as if ‘on a video loop’. Again, if this is something you experience, perhaps it is time to change your way of thinking about your setbacks?
5. Seekers of excellence also tend to listen carefully to criticism, accept it, and again, use it as an opportunity to learn how they can do better in subsequent efforts.  Perfectionists, in contrast, do not like or handle criticism well. They often see it as a personal attack and not as a way to help them improve on their performance efforts in the future.

To conclude, these are by no means the only differences between seekers of excellence and seekers of perfection with regard to how they think and act on a daily basis. However, the above five points do highlight key areas where such ‘excellence’ versus ‘perfection’ seeking individuals do potentially differ.

Identifying which type of individual you tend to be may be a step in the right direction to becoming a happier person. It is, however, important to note that it is possible to fluctuate from being one type of person in one scenario (i.e., in your college work), to being the other type of person in other situations (i.e., in sporting situations). Just knowing and accepting that you do not need to be perfect in any area of your life in order to be happy and satisfied with your life choices may help to take a ‘weight’ off your shoulders and indeed, your mind, resulting in a happier, more content, you. I hope by reading this piece, you may be inspired to begin a process of self-reflection on your own thought processes within your lives. I wish you well on your personal journey of self-discovery and self-understanding.