The world, it seems, is full of people who are easily irritated or offended by the actions or speech of others, with the result that they seek retribution by being equally, or even more, offensive in return. This, of course, promotes a vicious toxic circle of tit for tat insults and actions that can cause irreparably damaged friendships, family bust ups and ruin business or work relationships permanently. In the worst case scenario, it can even lead to war and has done so on many occasions. All of these sorry situations could be avoided if the feeling of being offended didn’t arise in the first place. If you often find yourself in the position of being easily offended, here are seven ways that can help you counter those feelings.
1. Understand your feelings
What causes you to be offended by insults? The answer is YOU, or more precisely, your ego. Nobody can force you to be offended against your will. You’re no doubt familiar with the old saying about sticks and stones breaking your bones but names being unable to hurt you. You may also have come to the conclusion that it’s the most useless saying ever as you can recall many occasions where names or insults did indeed hurt you. The truth is that stick and stones will certainly hurt you, and there’s nothing you can do about that except duck; insults on the other hand can only hurt you if you allow them to.
2. Understand why someone is being offensive
Always keep in mind that when someone makes offensive comments or displays offensive behaviour towards you, it says a lot more about them than it does about you. They, not you, are displaying a character weakness.
3. Recognise constructive criticism
If, for example, you think you’re a great singer, but someone respectfully points out some areas that need improvement, how do you react? If you’re offended where no offence was intended, then in this case the character weakness is all yours. This is an ego or self image problem. Ego is the image we have of ourselves, and you can only be offended if your ego is over inflated.
4. Recognise the effects of intoxicants
Certain intoxicants, especially alcohol, can make us say things we don’t mean, or make us take things said to us the wrong way. Try to keep this important fact in mind whenever you’re in such a potentially explosive environment. If everyone would do that, pub fights would be a thing of the past.
5. Learn to meditate
Nothing beats meditation for cultivating an air of serenity and greater peace of mind. It enables you to rise above such petty emotions as jealousy, envy, resentment and lust for revenge. It doesn’t have to involve candles, incense or chanting. It simply involves developing a sense of self-awareness and seeing ourselves as we really are, warts and all, with strengths and weaknesses; not as we would like to believe we are. Once developed, it’s a state of mind that can be effortlessly maintained during every waking hour, and in such a state, insults and offensive comments are like water off a duck’s back. In fact developing a meditation practice can even help us to cultivate an immediate reaction of compassion for the person who has tried to insult us, as they must be suffering themselves to say such words. Meditation simply helps us to develop greater awareness which in turn helps us to catch the triggers before the trigger catches us and takes us over.
6. Expand your cultural horizons
A common cause of being offended where no offence is intended is people’s lack of awareness of different cultures and social norms, whether foreign or home grown. They misread certain behaviours as offensive when, in fact, they may be perfectly harmless and acceptable within those cultures. If that includes you, then the remedy is simple: educate yourself. You don’t have to agree with such behaviors, and you’re perfectly justified in steering clear of them or even legally protesting against them if there is a case for that, but first judge them fairly and objectively.
7. Don’t be offensive
If you sometimes, or even often, resort to offensive behaviour yourself, then it’s a sure sign that you recognise the power it can have to hurt others who are also easily offended. So, try not to be offensive, it creates unnecessary toxicity in life and we all know life can be tough enough. When faced with offensive words or actions directed at you personally, you should refuse to respond, or respond in a non-offensive way. You’ll find that you’ve not only disarmed the offender, but that you have become immune to such attacks, and that the ‘sticks and stones’ saying can be true after all.
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