Whoever you are, whatever you do, whatever obstacles life brings you, whatever values or religion you go by, we all need courage at times to get us through. This article is based around what I have been honoured to have learnt from clients, what I have read, learnt from friends, myself, colleagues and people I’ve met along the way. This article is practical, has fun and useful videos and exercises for you, so you can give it a try.
So, what’s courage then? Well, it’s that thing that helps you do something when things seem tough, scary or painful. Which is a lot of life, really. And if we can’t find, remember we have, or trust in our courage, things can get hard. But what is it that the courage needs? Well, it needs you, and you to really understand you. Stay with me while we talk this out a little more!
Like other people have spoken about on A Lust for Life, there are many versions of us all operating within the emotional regulation system, which is basically how we manage our emotions. The system is made up of three circles. Take a look through the below image to see what our systems look like and what they do. Each system is a motivation towards something – the drive (blue) is towards getting things, the threat (red) towards protection and the soothing (green) towards managing suffering and promoting attachments.
One of the most helpful things we can do is spend time figuring out what each system/part of us needs. And this takes courage. So what’s the thing that makes the link between the parts of us and courage? Compassion. And this is what we create when we are in the soothing system.
Compassion. We are not talking fluffy bunnies, kittens, unicorns, or even unicorns sliding down rainbows. We are talking about something that takes strength, patience, wisdom, commitment and courage. It’s not strength like how much you can lift in a gym, how good you are at arm wrestling etc., it’s an internal strength based on wisdom. By definition compassion is two things, the recognition that things are hard, and actively trying to do something to alleviate this pain. Takes courage, right?
Compassion takes courage because it is the motivation to face a problem. So when everything around you seems to be going a bit mad, the compassionate part in you can still be strong – like standing strong in the eye of an emotional whirlwind. Compassion changes the way we relate to a problem because of its motivation to want to help; turning towards a problem in this way and engaging with kindness takes great courage. This short video here helps explain things a bit more about our emotions, their purpose, courage and compassion.
So how do we develop the compassionate abilities within us to relate to the different parts of us? The first thing we are going to do is learn how to soothe ourselves through breath by making our breathing smoother and more even. This regulates our other emotions. Click on this link for guided audio instructions on how to do this – click on soothing rhythm breathing practices.
Next, we are going to use this amazing part of our brain that can imagine. In this exercise we want to connect with a part of the mind that is going to give us access to feeling safe (the green circle). Remember this doesn’t have to be you, just an imagined place. This place has specific qualities – it is wise, strong, caring, responsible, committed and wants to help: Here is the link and you can click on building a compassionate image.
And now you’ve started. You’ve started developing your own compassionate abilities. It is in there and yours for the enjoying. I wonder what the compassionate part of you has to say about a problem you are facing, or how it would like to help?
This is a very short piece, hopefully giving a flavour of some practical exercises to nurture your compassionate best that can give you the courage to face life in this way. I would encourage fully exploring the compassionatemind.co.uk website as it has a whole heap of exercises for practicing being this version of you. If you have a goal, the end result is the same whether you beat yourself up to get there, or be kind with what you discover along the way. Be courageous and try kindness, you might just find it a bit more helpful. Compassion helps us to make choices to re-focus and develop courage to face things, tolerate and deal with them. Mmm, delicious.
If you would like further information on building your compassionate inner qualities and relating to yourself in a kinder way here are three great videos:
Or contact myself by emailing bethanoriordan@gmail.com
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