An emotion is only a temporary state of mind, basically, it’s just a piece of energy and energy wants to flow. – Antonio Damasio, a Neurologist, describes emotions as “action-requiring neurological programs”
It is the energy of what is behind the emotion that is driving or triggering it to take an action. So you see the emotion is not the demon after all! You can learn to find the real demon that lurks behind your emotion, allow it out of enslavement and most importantly allow it bring freedom to create a better life.
There is always hope and there is always a choice. Sometimes a little bit of faith is required to take that first step which is to become aware of what the real demons are. When we are aware of what we want to change, then we can change.
One of the stronger emotions we can get caught up in is rage. You may consider it to be your demon, however, often when this emotion is looked at we can see that rage is like the protective shell of a hazelnut, hard to break open but when you do you find something softer inside. This softness may well be your sadness or your loneliness and your rage is, in a well-meaning way, protecting you from the harshness of life, or protecting you from truly feeling that sadness or loneliness.
However, if you find you explode in a rage at inappropriate times or with inappropriate or minor triggers you may like to ask yourself the question “What was happening at the time you flew into a rage?” Was it a power struggle you were reacting to? Did someone cut across you on the road and you felt enraged? Did someone laugh at you? Did you feel like your own personal power was being attacked? Maybe your child was defying you and it brought up an old story of “nobody ever listens to me”, or a loss of control.
This old story of having your power taken away is being rattled and the wheel is set in motion for your brain and your physiology to react in a way that it has been trained to – to protect you, or so it thinks.
You sprout out a litany of profanities “How dare you to do that to me”, “Who do you think you are?” to the driver who cut across you or to your child who defies you. As a side note – the driver who cut across you may not have been in the right, but it’s our reaction to that person we are looking at. Yes, of course, you are entitled to be annoyed but does an explosion of rage and the flood of adrenaline in the aftermath serve you in any meaningful way? Is the triggered rage an appropriate reaction for you now, as an adult?
Would you like to interact with this rage and maybe even embrace it? Yes, I said embrace it! You are never trying to get rid of your stories because they have moulded you into who you are, however you can learn to let go of the emotional hold they have on you so that in future situations you can catch the rage before it explodes inside you. Trust me, I have done it!
Another strong emotion that, when at its most charged can change you from being a loving person one minute to a bull in a china shop the next, is jealousy. But you can embrace jealousy too. When you come to realise that jealousy is like an inner child pulling at your shirt to be heard and allowed a voice.
Jealousy can help you set your true north in the direction of your soul purpose. What is it about those red shoes, or new car that make you want to knock that person over to get them/it? If you do get them will your desire be met or was it a need for something else?
If you feel like you still want more when you get the shoes or the car, there is a golden nugget inside this want alerting you to something much deeper. What is it you really want? To be seen? To be admired? To be loved?
Another pair of red shoes or a shiny new car will never give you what you desire unless you embrace your jealousy and find the bigger story.
A true desire comes from the soul, a want comes from the head.
3 steps to help you take a deeper look at your emotional triggers
Firstly, I would advise you to write down anytime you are triggered emotionally. You may well see a pattern forming. Explore this pattern, become aware of it and see what is underneath.
Secondly, be brave enough to dive deeper into the real story behind the emotional pattern. If you need help with this, perhaps you can look into exploring counselling or seeing some kind of therapist who can help you work through these patterns and what triggers these patterns.
Thirdly embrace what you find. It’s your story and your story can be transcended and changed. Your old story will always be there, but you can always change your relationship with your past stories and even find gems of wisdom in them. There are often hidden blessings in our past stories which can teach us something to take us forward in our lives.
You might want to share what you find with someone who can help you deal with it. If it is sadness you find, there is a story behind why you feel this way. Once you begin to acknowledge and accept these stories you are beginning to take back control of how you react when you get triggered.
You are taking back control and getting into the driver’s seat of your life, where you are entitled to be and where you get freedom to be the person you want to be.
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