A Lust For Life

The power of the family in building powerful communities

Families should be the heart of our secure base, that place deep within that reassures us that the world is essentially a good place and that if we give freely we will also receive in return. Parents create this security for their children by their early selfless responding to the core needs of their infant for food, warmth, cleanliness and nurturing.

When families are predictable and reliable it allows children the freedom to go and explore the world. If they know that their parents are there, in the background, they can take active part in the world and create the relationships with others that will build and strengthen communities into the future.

By teaching our children how to recognise their own feelings and the feelings of others we can allow them to be responsive and intuitive in their dealings with other people. It is only when we think about, and respond to, the needs of others, alongside our own needs, that we can truly create supportive, connected communities.

Here are my five steps to building connected families. Your children can then take their own steps to building connected communities.

  1. Be reliable and consistent for your child. Allow them to depend on you and this allows them to learn how to trust. When they can trust you, they can learn to trust others too.
  2. Create family time. Use times, like family meals, to provide your family with opportunities to talk to, and listen to, each other. This builds better and stronger relationships.
  3. Stay calm and understanding. Even if you feel frustrated with your children’s behaviour, try to still see the world from their perspective and help them to understand what they are feeling. It will reduce your conflict with them.
  4. Role-model sharing and cooperation. If you show in your dealings with your children that you value sharing and cooperative working they will grow to hold these same values.
  5. Show your children regularly and often that they are loved. With your words, your gestures and your behaviour you can give your child the security of knowing that they are loved. If they feel loved then they can go forward to love and care about others.
By David Coleman

Clinical Psychologist, author and broadcaster. Working with children, teenagers and their families in his clinical practice, David has become well known in Ireland for his TV programmes, including Families in Trouble, Families in the Wild and most recently Bullyproof. David has just been confirmed as a regular contributor to the hugely popular Marian Finucane Show on RTE Radio 1. He has written three books, so far, for parents and writes an advice column every week in the Health and Living Supplement of the Irish Independent. David’s website is davidcoleman.ie or follow David on Twitter @Coleman_David.