As a See Change Ambassador, I know the importance of Green Ribbon Month. I know that by wearing a simple green ribbon, it can let people know you are part of the fight against the stigma of mental illnesses, that you are part of the fight to encourage people to feel brave enough to reach out and ask for help, that you are ready to talk.
I have recently begun a new way to deal with these harrowing illnesses called depression and anxiety. I have joined an Aware support group. It is all about talking and listening. I have been through it all, the self harm, the self isolation, the tears, the suicide attempts but finally I feel I can manage this illness, maybe not beat, it but definitely manage it.
The support group is amazing; there are maybe 12 of us there on any night. We go there, all from different paths of life with the same struggle, to feel support, to feel like we are not alone, to feel empathy. You see, mental illness can make you feel like your brain or your mind, who you are in every way, is dying, and you just want it done. But what I am learning is, this too will pass. It might come back, those terrible feelings, thoughts, but this support group has helped me realise that I want to live.
I have recently met a new person at our support group meetings. The minute he walked into the room we saw it. It. The black cloud. The look of complete and utter depression. We knew it had taken everything in this person to make this huge step. They were a complete shell, empty, and broken. As he began to talk, to share his story, I could feel my heart breaking. It was breaking at the thought of this poor person, at rock bottom and not knowing how to get back up. We are lucky in our little group, at present no-one is at this stage, we have all been there, yes, but are back up or at least on the stepping ladder. As he spoke we were all catapulted back to similar moments in our own struggles, that feeling of numbness, where you genuinely can’t figure out how you can go on. This man has made huge strides already, he has gone to his GP but what really can our GPs do if they don’t have the experience or tools to help us? What help did this man get? A fortnight supply of anti-depressants and nothing else. A change needs to be made; we can’t just send people suffering back out into the cold. If you broke your leg wouldn’t you at least expect crutches, a support?
His story brought me back to my own experiences. I remember one early March, being so low, so so low, that I went to a doctor. I was sent immediately with a letter in my hand to A+E. As I handed over the letter to A+E, I could barely breathe. After a few minutes a nurse came out to me. She gave me the once over and then started a series of questions, what was wrong? I don’t know. Why did I feel like this? I don’t know. Had my parent’s separated? No. Had I a job? Yes. Did I like my job? Yes. It became pretty apparent that the nurse was getting more and more frustrated with me and what the next step could be. So I was sent home.
6 weeks later I was admitted to hospital after attempting suicide. I had taken my first step back in spring, I had sought help. But what help can medical professions give us if they are ill equipped, under resourced and ill-educated on this topic. This in no way shape or form is taking digs at medical staff, I could not do their job in a million years and we are so lucky in our system to have caring and kind people. This change must come from our government. Our elected politicians (elected to serve the people) need to urgently implement change and increasing funding to talk therapy services that do exist as well as setting up new initiatives, so they are available for every citizen in Ireland who needs this type of support.
So, back to our new friend. He was given some medication. Yes, there is room for medication, and definitely needed on my part to provide balance, but the support that one is given through talking is phenomenal. It makes you realise that you should not be ashamed. That it is okay to say these things out loud. To express yourself without feeling guilty or stupid. To find the answer to that question- why do I feel like this? But how can we get these talk therapies made available to more people? There are people all over the country fighting for such therapies but they are not there.
There are so many people like myself attending Aware meetings, Pieta House and a dozen other campaigns to encourage people to be brave and speak out. What do they all have in common? They are charities.
If we cannot rely on our government to train, resource and equip our medical staff, to provide the finances and resources to people who are suffering, these charities are our only hope. Green Ribbon Month is here to encourage us to be open, to be brave, and to fight. We know what and who we are fighting for, I ask, who the government is fighting for?
Ellen Downey is a See Change ambassador, the national movement to encourage conversation about mental health problems and end the associated stigma and discrimination.
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