By channelling our inherent masculine traits of protection and responsibility towards mental health and wellbeing, we can begin to redefine the meaning of ‘man up’ and positively benefit the lives of ourselves, our friends and our family.
I’m almost certain that every man, at some point in his life has been told to ‘’man up’’ or ‘’be a man’’.
You may have complained about the difficulty of a task in work/school or expressed concern in a risky situation. Considering the teasing nature of Irish humour, these phrases are probably echoed regularly in your friend and family circles’ with no malice intended – all part of the banter. Although most would not give much heed to these seemingly innocuous phrases, including myself until recently, they represent and reinforce certain masculine ideologies, which can be detrimental to overall mental health and well-being. So what is it about these phrases that require deeper exploration?
Well it’s not the words that are particularly damaging to men, but how they represent and reinforce the idea of how men should ‘be’ – invulnerable and stoic. These ideologies are rooted in our institutional value systems and from a very young age we learn that ‘‘big boys don’t cry’’. It’s not that men don’t feel emotions or are incapable of expressing them; we are taught to deny and repress them.
Supressing emotions is like disabling what should be our natural instinct to seek help and get support during times of crisis. Furthermore, men are often discouraged from seeking help anyway. Often, these feelings are then expressed through ‘acceptable’ male outlets such as alcohol abuse and aggressive behaviour towards others or oneself. Is it any wonder that men are disproportionally affected by suicide? Sadly, suicide rates for young Irish men (15-24 years old) are on average, five times higher than their females counterparts, and the fourth highest in the EU.
The recent socio-economic climate has had a huge impact on the lives of young men in Ireland due to the rising unemployment rates and cut-backs in services. This has coincided with a period of rapid change in social values in Ireland, which has impacted upon men’s sense of belonging and engagement in society. This places increasing psychological and material challenges on young men, especially those who lack the skills to engage with the limited supports that are available in their communities.
Yet despite all this, young men are rarely considered to be a ‘target group’ and seem to come to mind less when developing services and activities to tackle needs. There is often confusion and fear among practitioners and service providers about how to engage effectively with young men. Indeed, paradoxically, those who are at immediate risk of suicide and self-harm are less likely to participate in initiatives around mental health and are slow to access appropriate services and supports.
Social media provides a great platform to collect memories and express our opinions, but I worry about how it influences us as a society. Now, young people ‘perform’ a version of themselves on various social media outlets, often with inaccurate portrayals of their lives. This can lead to constant seeking of quick gratification and affirmation from our friends, increasing our predisposition to feel depressed when our posts don’t get that all important ‘like’. It can give rise to social isolation, masked by the illusion that we are in fact, keeping in contact with friends. I think the following song lyrics sums this up perfectly; ‘Technology made it easy for us to stay in touch while keeping a distance, ‘til we just stayed distant and never touched, now all we do is text too much’’ The Best of Times, Sage Francis.
Additionally, Irish society’s paradigm of our youth is grossly misinformed by our media. A recent study conducted by Electric Ireland reported that 4 in 5 young people (15-24 years old) believe that the Irish public have a negative view of them, with 71% of them citing the media as the reason for the misinterpretation. We need to change the lens in which we view young people and young men in particular, seeing them as a positive force and not labelling them as a problem.
I am not saying we should change the way in which we are men, but cultivate and use some of our more positive masculine ideologies, to rise up and take control of these issues. I don’t expect a sudden change in young men; regularly informing the world on their day to day moods. It must be understood that some men really are just more reserved and others more stoic- that is the nature of the beast. But most men have been conditioned to act a certain way in public spheres which is not their natural state. We must embrace the deviations from traditional masculine ideologies, allowing every young man to act or feel however he wants, not to feel pressure to adhere to certain norms. As young men we must be brave and honour both ourselves and those around us; looking out for one another – acting as our brothers keepers’.
Let’s change the meaning of ‘‘man up’’ to something positive. Instead, by ‘’manning up’’ we could take responsibility and embrace the conversation around mental health and wellbeing. Ask a mate how they are feeling when you notice them in distress, create that sense of openness and protect each other. There is no guarantee that they will open up, but by providing them the platform to tell their story, it contributes to normalising the talk surrounding mental health.
We have come a long way in recent years with regard to reducing the stigma, but more needs to be done. What better place to start than being brave enough to ask the question ‘Is everything alright?’ By channelling our inherent masculine traits of protection and responsibility towards mental health and wellbeing, we can begin to redefine the meaning of ‘man up’ and positively benefit the lives of ourselves, our friends and our family.