The Internet has made pornography so easily available that it is almost as difficult to avoid it, as it is easy to find it.
More and more evidence from research is showing the negative impact that pornography is having on relationships, as couples struggle to find a mutually agreeable and rewarding assimilation (or banishment) of porn.
We know, too, that porn is becoming a big problem for children and teenagers. All of the evidence from research highlights that children are accessing pornography on the Internet at younger and younger ages. One study, published in the journal Paediatrics, estimates that 42% of children and teenagers between the ages of 10 and 17, have been exposed to porn. Such early access to pornography, that can be extreme and graphic in nature, can lead to pornography becoming a pervasive part of people’s lives.
So, as we approach World Mental Health Day on the 10th of October, we need to very seriously consider the role that pornography plays in our lives, in our families’ lives and the impact that it has on our mental health.
A new piece of research, published this September in the journal Psychology of Addictive Behaviors, has found that it may not only be the pornography itself that affects our mental health. Rather it is how we perceive our own use of pornography that seems linked to how we think and feel negatively about ourselves.
Particularly, feeling addicted to online pornography is associated with depression, anger and anxiety. The researchers suggest that it is the addictive nature, and sense that we are out of control, that leads to mental health distress.
Researchers in Cambridge, in the UK, looked at people who were addicted to pornography and found that a porn addiction functions like other addictions, in that people seek out porn (like they would drugs) because they have developed a psychological craving, not because of enjoyment.
Indeed, regular use of pornography builds up a kind of tolerance, such that more extreme, more unusual, more graphic or more deviant sexual images and videos are required to give the same “buzz”. One user, who took part in a 2007 study described how pornography “almost lodges itself into your mind, like a parasite sucking away the rest of your life.”
Even when our use of pornography is not addictive, but is casual, occasional and infrequent, we can still feel a lot of stress associated with it. Most of the stress arises from how pornography interacts with our relationships.
Many couples are trying to work out how to deal with pornography within their relationship. Some couples report using pornography to enhance their sexual relationship. Others aim to completely avoid using it. And a third group are discovering that they don’t agree about the use of pornography.
Watching pornography is typically a solo form of sexual gratification. We really do need to question ourselves about the impact this will have on how we view our partner, how we feel about our partner and whether it is constructive or destructive to our relationship.
This is particularly the case when we consider the power balance, or more likely imbalance between the people involved in the pornography we view. How does the level of consent, or the level of aggression that is overt or implied in porn affect our view of how relationships should function?
Even the explicit nature of the sexual acts themselves will influence us. The body image messages that are visible (the size of breasts, waists, bottoms, musculature or penises that seem to be desirable) will also shape our expectations and may tap into our insecurities.
Even when couples can’t agree about their shared use, or independent use of pornography, it is better that they are at least talking explicitly about the reality that pornography is probably a part of at least one of their lives.
Much more damaging are those situations where the pornography is having a hidden influence on mood, on desire and on libido.
There are many stories of wives (typically), where the husband has been a covert user of pornography, who feel understandably betrayed and deceived by their husbands’ behaviour. Indeed one study described how women saw the behaviour as degrading and felt sexually undesirable when they discovered their partner’s use of pornography.
So, whether you are a parent who needs to consider how (and when) pornography will start to influence your child’s experience of the world, or whether you are an adult who needs to consider your own, or your partner’s use of porn, it will be a live issue that probably affects us all.
So, in light of the approaching World Mental Health Day, have a thought for how pornography may or may not be affecting your mood, your relationships and your life.
Support Our Campaign
We rely on the generosity of the public to fund our work and so far together we have achieved great things! Please do continue to support us so we can provide future generations in Ireland with the resources to recognise and talk about their emotions, and equip them to navigate the ever-changing world around them as they grow
