Over the last few weeks, I have been travelling around Ireland to promote my book “Me and my mate Jeffrey”. The response has been deeply heart-warming and has diluted any of the reservations I initially had about writing a book about my own struggles with my emotional and mental health.
Having been a mental health campaigner for a few years now, even I was surprised at the level of numbers of people I met all over the country, all who have dealt with and have been disguising their own mental health illnesses for such a long period of time. So many people came forward to inform me that they had read the book and it had resonated on many levels with their own experiences. You see, although it can often be a complex and subjective subject, there are many similarities among people’s experiences. The guilt, the fear of asking for help, the isolation etc…
However, something that became hard for me to ignore over the last few weeks, especially at book signings, is the fact that some men are still reluctant to admit that they are not okay. So many wives, girlfriends and daughters came up to get a book signed and quietly muted to me words like “this is for my husband, he is out in the car, he can’t face coming in,” or “this is for my dad who is at home and he wanted to come in but was too scared”.
Although the stigma is no doubt eroding in Ireland, men are still finding it difficult to reach for help or expose any form of emotional distress. This is completely understandable, as for decades and generations, men have had to play the macho card. The “everything is grand” card.
Repressing emotions is not a behaviour that is sustainable. The more repressed emotions are internalised, the more they grow. They always manifest or express themselves in some way, and at some stage, and without the coping mechanisms to deal with them effectively, they can wreak havoc and seek to destroy everything in their path.
However, some men are starting to tip their toe into the water, testing it, getting used to it, but not quite ready to get into it fully. I get this totally. I felt that fear. I felt the confusion but without doubt the best choice that I have ever made in my life was to get into the water. I very quickly realised I floated and there were many people willing to keep me safe and to support me. I then realised I was able to swim. I developed the coping mechanisms that for years evaded me, or had never been taught to me.
We are making progress, and there are men up and down country willing to seek help, but we still have quite a way to go. If someone can walk into their place of work and easily say “I have a bit of a flu,” hopefully we can normalise the conversation to the point that people can walk into a place of work and say “I feel a little uneasy or low today, or it’s been a tough few days”.
This week I helped launch two amazing resources that may become the first step, not just for Irish men, but for everyone up and down the country. I spoke at Console’s annual Suicide Prevention Day conference where they launched a text support service. This is amazing as it has become many peoples way of communicating. Some people are not ready to call, or access face to face support, so the ability to be able to text a trained professional and reach out will benefit and comfort many.
I also attended St. Patrick’s Mental Health Services new phone support line with Walk In My Shoes, for young adult men and women. It’s specifically designed and customised for this age group and will become an effective lifeline for many over the next few years.
The details are below and I would advise anyone in distress to reach out either by text or phone.
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