As parents, all we want is the best for our children, no matter their age. We live with an overwhelming desire to love, care for and ultimately protect them from any harm. We try to steer them away from stress, anxiety and fear, often deciding to carry it for them. We demote ourselves to the bottom of the priority list, often ignoring our own needs and our own mental health. Ruled by ‘Mammy guilt‘ and that niggling self-doubt voice questioning our ability, our worth and asking are we good enough.
You are good enough.
You are being tested, now maybe more than ever. Not only do you have the stress and worry of watching your child study for their Leaving Certificate, but you have the added anxiety of living through a pandemic. You are living with added uncertainty and stress. This is a real challenging time for families. Parents are experiencing a sudden change in their lives and routines. This is having a knock-on impact on people’s mental health. Remind yourself that you can only do your best, and your ‘best’ will change every day, that is okay.
Stress levels will undoubtedly have increased within your home. ‘Stress’ is a state of mental tension resulting from demanding circumstances. Stress protects us, by keeping us alert. New research suggests it is our perception of stress that can be more damaging. If we perceive stress as harmful. It will increase the negative impact it has on our body. By understanding our stress and not fearing it, we will feel more in control and our anxiety levels will lower. We can educate our children to become aware of the stress signals in their body, such as your heart is pounding a little bit harder because it is ready to pump oxygen into your brain. This will help to lower worry and anxiety, and they become more aware of their own bodily signals.
When stress increases it becomes anxiety. Anxiety is characterised by more persistent worries and physical symptoms that can interfere with your daily life. If the pressure feels bigger than your ability to cope, it is important to implement strategies and techniques that will help you to manage and care for your wellness and lowering your anxiety levels.
A strategy that is very helpful is concentrating on the here and now. Focus on what you’re doing, take in what is happening around you. This is mindfulness. Research shows that practising mindfulness helps to reduce stress, boost your immune system and lower blood pressure. Take some time, even just five minutes with a cup of tea and notice the world around you and all the small things. If this makes you feel happy, smile. Our face communicates our state of mind to others and to ourselves. Smiling will make you feel happier and help you feel grateful as you appreciate life in that moment. Try to remember that worrying today won’t change what happens tomorrow. Every second you spend in worry about the future is a second of the present wasted. Worrying takes you out of this moment and transports you into future possibilities and scary what-ifs, making it impossible to live in the moment. Worries are just thoughts and thoughts are not fact. They have no reality. Worries start when we ask, “What if…” then the mental torture and worst-case scenarios begin. We will always have very little evidence that will support the worst-case scenario happening. After all, we can’t foresee the future.
It is so easy to feel overwhelmed and worried about everything that is happening in the world right now. During stressful times, it’s important to take some time out for yourself. Even if it’s just 10 minutes to enjoy a cup of tea or to write down your thoughts and feelings. A journal is another excellent strategy in helping to lower stress and anxiety. It is a great outlet for negative thoughts, feelings and worry. It helps to create new positive thinking habits, grows self-awareness and it can lift your mood. A journal is used to write about the experiences, thoughts and feelings you had during the day. This may lead to other thoughts, solutions and ideas as you are writing freely.
Here are a few heading suggestions you can write in your journal:
- How are you feeling?
- If you are feeling anxious, angry or down. Ask yourself what have you seen/heard/read/done today that may have triggered a negative feeling/reaction. By creating a daily check-in you are increasing your self-awareness.
- Write down one positive thing you have accomplished today.
- If you have a negative thought playing on repeat in your mind. Try writing the thought out and asking yourself what evidence have you got to say this thought is real and rational.
- Write a goal for tomorrow.
- Write 3 things you are grateful for.
Making time for yourself isn’t selfish. Take care of your health if you hope to take care of anyone else.
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