“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.” – Steve Maraboli
Think about something that you are holding onto, and decide to let go. Write it on a piece of paper or write it in your journal. Is it a fantasy? Is it a grudge? Could it be hope? Is it desire? Or is it a wish that never came true? How long have you held onto it? How long has it kept you down? You have to let go.
We all do it; we hold on to something because it feels important to us. Sometimes we wait for something for years, and when it doesn’t come to pass, we live in frustration every day. Other times it is a relationship, which we can’t seem to get over. We feel that the partner was perfect and there is no way we can land anyone that’s better than that; so we live in regret. Sometimes it’s a tragedy that makes us live in pain. What about the grudges we keep? Now that we were wronged, we want justice, and when it doesn’t come to pass, we live with resentment and bitterness.
Why is letting go difficult?
We know the importance of releasing the things that hold us back, but why is it so hard to let go? It’s all about taking responsibility. Blaming circumstances on people, events and things seem easier than accepting that we are wrong. That’s understandable because nobody wants to deal with the emotional baggage of letting go because we didn’t ask for the hardship in the first place.
Although we should recognize and validate the impact that the past had on you, continuing to blame it for your current feelings takes power away from you. When you do that, you hand control to something that will never help you. The past is gone, and it will never cure you regardless of how desperately you want it to.
Letting go of the trauma
To let go, you should accept that the hardships of the time were out of control. There is nothing more than you could have done to change the situation. The past happened and you should not punish yourself by living with the memories. The trauma took away from us, and you should reclaim everything in your recovery. So, letting go means empowering yourself with the present resources and deciding to live the best possible life now.
Letting go does not mean forgetting
Most people continue holding on because they fear that letting go will mean that they have to forget what happened. It’s not possible to detach entirely from something that has such a huge influence in your life. However, remembering the event should not give you bitter feelings. Letting go implies that you accept what happened. It means that you hug your past self with full arms. You remind yourself that you can transform the past into something that can fuel your dreams.
10 Valuable tips to help you let go
1. Realise that the relationships you imagined having will be different from the ones you have
You should accept the person you are presently and the people currently in your life. As time goes, you will continue learning that things do not have to flow as planned. In most cases, they do not go as planned, and that’s okay. Once you are aware of your relationships and yourself, things are bound to get better. Practice appreciation and gratitude.
2. Do not live in chains when you can be free
Sometimes we limit our abilities by believing that we cannot achieve something. If you trust in your skills, you will realise that accomplishing your goals is easier than you imagined. Have an open mind. Although many people will make the situation seem difficult, proving them wrong is your responsibility.
3. Worry only about what you think of yourself
Don’t kill yourself by imagining what other people say or think about you. Free yourself from other people’s ideas and opinions. Prioritize how you think or feel about yourself. While at it, be gentle on yourself and don’t beat yourself up.
4. Manage anxious thoughts where possible
Anxiety breeds negative emotions, and it can make letting go difficult. If you are struggling with anxious thoughts, you can let go naturally with the help of training from a professional counsellor.
5. Accept the things you cannot change
Quit wishing that things would be different from the way they are. Bring yourself to the present moment because that is where life happens. No matter how much you want to, you cannot change the past. The best you can do is to make decisions today that will help you build a brighter future.
6. Do not expect people to behave in a certain way
When you hold on to expectations, the chances are that you will be continuously disappointed. You cannot bank on other people for your happiness. There is barely a guarantee in life, and there is nothing you can do to achieve the outcomes you desire when dealing with others. Sometimes you may have to set respectful boundaries, and other times you should let go.
7. Understand that you cannot control other people
There is no way you will ever change another person. Therefore, never waste your time and energy trying. One of the biggest factors that push people to hold on to the past is that you want to please everyone.
8. Learn forgiveness
Unwillingness to forgive and resentment will keep you locked in your bitter past and prevent you from enjoying life to the fullest. Remember that when you forgive, you are doing yourself a favor. Letting go isn’t possible without forgiveness.
9. Allow room for mistakes
Did you say something stupid or make a mistake? That is okay. Use that experience to learn. Besides, making mistakes is human.
10. Express what works for you
Do not hide behind your feelings. Find your voice and let others know what you feel. When you communicate what works for you and what doesn’t, you will not bottle up your emotions. Expressing yourself is a great way of having successful relationships.
Do not wait for time to heal your scars because you don’t know how long it will take; instead, learn to let go now. Remember that you are what you choose to become. Quit holding on to the pain and resentment of the past. Forgive, learn, accept and let go.
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