An environment of positivity is an ideal breeding ground for recovery from injury.
Climbing the breathtakingly scenic hills just outside Pitlochry in the heart of the Scottish highlands, myself and my travelling partner, Eoghan Mcdermott were equal parts nervous and excited to experience the act of canyoning or river gorging with our tour guides Nae Limits Adventures.
We had been cycling the previous three days through the most remarkable highland routes of Scotland, and decided to take the morning off to try some adventure activities. Our guides suggested that canyoning was quite extreme for some, and a healthy relationship with heights and water were required if we were to attempt it. Having struggled with a phobia of deep water all my life, I had overcome this fear by signing myself up to open water sea swims and learning to swim, but this was a little different to be fair.
If I am being honest, I had very little reservations about the activity, as the Nae Limits crew are world renowned for their professionalism and safety record, so the thought of injury never crossed my mind.
Essentially canyoning is travelling down the mountain path of a river by cliff jumping, swimming, abseiling and climbing. It wouldn’t be for the faint hearted but was certainly something I was up for.
After being briefed by the crew and kitted out in our gear, I was itching to get going.
As we entered the first pool of water, we slid down a face of a rock into a deep pool of crystal clear glacier water which certainly was a shock to the system, but a buzz all the same. We then proceeded to jump from a small cliff into another deeper section of water, where we had to swim to the other side of the pool. I was in my element and was revelling in nature at its very best, totally untainted and untouched by the outside world, while a cloud of calmness fell over me. Our guide, George, then pulled me up onto a group of rocks where we were due to jump into a narrower section of water, which was quite deep but shallow at the edges. I was told it was essential not to jump off the rocks, for if I jumped out too far I could potentially land in shallow water, so I was just meant to step off the cliff.
This unfortunately went against every instinct I had, standing on a cliff face, I was no doubt going to jump out a little bit, but as I jumped, I noticed the sheer fear on our guides face, as it became evident I jumped a little bit too far, and kinda amusingly, in a cartoonish way, he attempted to shoo me back closer to the deeper water as I was in flight.
As soon as I landed in the water, both my ankles made contact with the rock and I felt a piercing pain shoot up through both my legs as the toes on my feet were pushed up towards my shins. My immediate reaction was that I had broken both my legs as the pain was so intense, and I could not put any weight on either foot.
The guys faces went white, as they all realised the situation was not good, judging from the expression of my face. All I could think of, was how in the name of god was I going to get out of the gorge. I could not keep going as we would have had to abseil down a 50 foot waterfall and I could not put any pressure on my legs. The Nae Limits crew remained totally calm and kept reassuring me that we were going to get out of the gorge. My countless hours of Bear Grylls viewing kicked in. I was in slight shock so the pain had not fully hit me at this stage. I had to swim back across the gorge pool to a vertical rock face, where our guides had climbed and put ropes down for me to pull myself up without using me legs. I am not entirely sure how but I managed to pull myself out of the gorge and up to a flatter area where the crew were able to carry me down the mountain to the jeep, where we had an ambulance waiting to bring me to Perth Hospital. The best part of the holiday came on the ambulance trip when the nurse administered the laughing gas for the pain. Pretty sure I polished off the entire canister but there was no pain I can tell you that.
Once I got to the hospital and x rayed and assessed, it became clear I had torn ligaments in both ankles and my left ankle was slightly out of socket, but I was beyond relieved that the legs were not both broken like I first suspected.
Only then did the realisation sink in that this injury was relatively serious. A huge part of my life is sport and exercise and the ability to train in order to keep my often volatile mind, healthy, is essential for me, I knew this was now not an option. I had trained for the previous 12 months to prepare myself for the Dublin 70.3 Ironman Triathlon, sacrificing so much for it, and as I lay in the bed in hospital I knew it was looking increasingly unlikely that I would recover in time. I have been here in the past, injures are a big part of sport and exercise but no matter how hard you prepare your mind for it, it can be hard to take when they happen. Although sport is not my career, it certainly is a profound passion and something that is sincerely important in my life, and it is something I use as a medication for my General anxiety disorder and depression.
I won’t lie, initially I was worried, but over the years of developing my mental fitness and resilience, I knew I had the coping strategies to deal with the issue at hand, where once I would have fallen into a deep black hole of depression.
That night as I was let out of the hospital and the morphine had worn off, I sat on my bed icing my ankles and assessing the situation with a little more clarity. I have worked with Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for the previous few years, and it’s at times like these that you best notice its effectiveness. Although I was upset and pissed off, I was able to monitor my options and avoid any hostile and unhelpful thoughts. My family and loved ones, knowing my past, and often difficult mental health issues, immediately recognised that it was not the physical injury that worried them, but my head. I assured them that I was absolutely fine and although down, I was going to look at other areas in my life that I could dedicate time to. I wanted to re-focus on other things that I perhaps neglected when training for the Triathlons. Music, relationships, writing etc…
Rather than stare at a deep hole in my life, I was going to fill it with something else. That’s the type of person I am, I need goals, I need challenges. Unfortunately it looks like the challenge I set myself may no longer be viable but there are plenty of other goals I can set, and perhaps this could be a blessing.
I think in situations such as these, perspective has to be self-cultivated. When others say things like “it could have been worse,” or “you were very lucky,” you really don’t want to listen, but if you are able to assess the situation yourself and find your own perspective, it can certainly ease the situation. In previous years I would have struggled to find this perspective through the cloud of depression and self-pity after such an accident, but lying in my bed that evening I was able to lean on these coping mechanisms I had thought myself over the years to help me. In fact, being able to have that moment of clarity even allowed me see some of the incredible people I have in my life, how truly lucky I am, and how grateful I am for all that I do have.
So here I am on the ferry back to Ireland from Scotland, planning the coming weeks, excited by new challenges and submerged in gratitude that I am in a position to set myself these challenges.
An environment of positivity is an ideal breeding ground for recovery from injury. Through the years I never dealt with injuries the right way, I got angry, I got frustrated and I took it out on the people around me.
The Dublin 70.3 Ironman may be a little bit ambitious but mentally I am going to believe I can make it to the start line despite this big set-back, for me, there is no other way to think about this situation. Instead of focusing what I can’t do, I will put on my energy and concentration into what I can actually do.
Key building blocks for recovery from an injury.
- Gratitude
- Self-compassion
- Visualisation
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