In the third part of our series on ‘How to Mind Yourself’, we asked Clinical Psychologist and friend of A Lust for Life Dr Malie Coyne about how she takes care of herself and her mental health.
If you’d like to read more about self care, here’s the first and second part of the series.
Malie, what does self-care mean to you?
Self-care is all about nurturing yourself so that you are able to give of yourself to the many areas of your life. It is often said that “you can’t pour from an empty cup” which is 100% true. Unfortunately self-care is the one aspect that I see many people not prioritising which is often because they may not have a template for self-soothing developed as they were growing up. When self-care is ignored it leads to greater problems. There is no greater need than the one which feeds into your own soul. As a parent this is something I have had to wake up to and something I very much focus on with the parents who come into me, as it benefits them and ultimately their children too.
What does your daily routine look like, and how do you integrate ways to mind your mental health?
As a parent to two little monkeys and a full-time Clinical Psychologist (and writing a book on the side), I get little time to myself, however I am lucky enough to be aware of what I need to nurture myself. If I am having a really tough day, I will make sure to reach out to my husband (who is my rock), to the family and the friends that most nurture me and share my load and some chillax time. I find that going home and being with my kids can bring me to a totally different state of mind as they make you live in the moment no matter what kind of day you’ve had. As a Pisces I love swimming under water it just invigorates me so that has been brilliant. Writing is my exhale from the craziness of life. I am not immune to treating myself to a nice coffee and a chocolate marshmallow bun, that always helps too!
What are the habits that make the biggest difference to your mental health?
Taking a step back from whatever is going on and sharing how I’m feeling with those who most matter to me. Crashing when I need to and accepting that we are all human and have shit days that is just part of life. Equally life’s moments can be unbelievably beautiful and I feel very grateful for the family and friends that I have and for being able to genuinely make a difference in people’s lives through my job.
Are there any other ways in which you make time to ‘mind yourself’ on a regular basis?
Lately I’ve been less engaged with social media as I’m writing my book and to be honest not being “switched on” has benefitted my mind set as for me it is real-life relationships which most matters and nurtures me.
What does a balanced life mean to you?
To be aware of the huge link between mind and body and to try to rebalance when shit hits the fan by engaging in what really nurtures you as a person.
Are there things you say ‘no’ to that help you?
I find saying no really tough because I feel this sense of responsibility to help people. It has been nice saying no to things in the past few months as I am working on something (my book) which is really meaningful to me and hopefully will also resonate with parents.
If someone is starting out to try and bring some meaningful self-care into their routine, what advice might you give them?
To take a step back and figure out what brings you joy in your life. What are your top three values? Align your activities with your values. In whose company do you feel most yourself? Seek those relationships because they literally transform your brain in a feel good way. If you don’t feel worthy of self-care, this stems from an earlier pain and maybe you could speak to a professional as you are SPECIAL and you are WORTHY of self-love.
Have you any advice on sustaining good habits?
Find what floats your boat. This is different for everyone. And keep doing it. If you don’t, don’t beat yourself up just try again. We all have trouble doing what we know is right for us. You are human. Be gentle on yourself.
Anything else you’d like to add on the subject of minding yourself and your mental health?
Life is beautiful. Life is pain. It’s about floating on the waves of it and trying to make the best of what you have xxx
BIO
Clinical Psychologist and N.U.I.G. Lecturer with 18 years experience working therapeutically with children and families. I am also a mum to two little divas, aged 4 and 2, who challenge and teach me things every day. I hope that you will be able to benefit from some of my thoughts, and that this will add to your understanding of the children in your life and impact positively on your relationships with them. For more of my articles and radio podcasts, you can follow me on Facebook or Twitter or on drmaliecoyne.ie