In the fifth part of our series on ‘How to Mind Yourself’, we asked counsellor and psychotherapist David Foot about how he takes care of himself and his mental health.
If you’d like to read more about self care, here’s the first, second, third and fourth part of the series.
David, what does self-care mean to you?
As a Psychotherapist it’s a central part of my job – minding one’s own level of stress and emotional strain is important to avoid burnout. It’s about compassion and constructive selfishness – learning what my needs are and how to meet them.
What does your daily routine look like, and how do you integrate ways to mind your mental health?
As I am self-employed and in private-practise, my days do not necessarily have a set structure or routine. This can be liberating but also daunting – I am someone who needs a certain amount of routine to feel grounded. If you have no routine imposed on you, it’s important to create one. I try to make sure I set aside some time first thing in the morning for work, even if I do not have an appointment in the diary. I might read something relative to my field or think about my client work. If I have free time, I schedule some exercise outside, even a walk to buy milk can change your energy in a small way. I try to limit the amount of news I read (limit your exposure to negativity!) and to listen to music. I also have to remember to not feel guilty about doing nothing sometimes!
What are the habits that make the biggest difference to your mental health?
Probably exercise and being outdoors. I need to spend time in the countryside and in the quiet, so I cycle a lot. Living in Dublin makes it so easy to get into the hills or to the sea and find some solitude and I would struggle without that I think. My job is all about relating and emotional process so it’s good to do something physical when I’m not working.
Are there any other ways in which you make time to ‘mind yourself’ on a regular basis?
Time with friends is important to me, I’m not great at phone conversations so this normally involves time spent together, face to face. I regularly travel back to where I grew up in Yorkshire to reconnect with the friendships I have there and to soak up the place. I think Yorkshire is where I get my love of the countryside from and I miss it if I’m away for too long.
Time with family is also a major element – I need to feel I have my place.
As I mentioned before, there are times when I need to limit the amount of news I take in as I can become too much in terms of negativity. I find it helps to keep it local and focus on what is around you– there are probably small differences you can make in your own social circle or community that can have real import. Feeling powerless is stressful. That could be as simple as spending your money in local businesses.
What does a balanced life look like?
For me personally it’s probably about finding the balance between staying in my comfort zone and risking a little occasionally. That goes professionally and personally.
Are there things you say ‘no’ to that help you?
I don’t respond to work stuff on the weekends unless it’s some sort of emergency. I’m long past the feeling that I might be missing out by not going to some event or gig, or whatever. It was massively liberating to reach an age where I didn’t care about that anymore. The feeling that everyone else is getting something you’re not is a drag and I’ve finally realised that they’re usually not. There’s nothing out there that isn’t in here.
If someone is starting out to try and bring some meaningful self-care into their routine, what advice might you give them?
Think about what would feel like a real kindness if someone else did it for you, or if they gave you permission to do it for yourself. Then do that. Also remember that self-care is about being compassionate and interested in your own needs; it’s not about feeling great all the time. Noticing and acknowledging when you feel bad is good self-care.
Anything else you’d like to add on the subject of minding yourself and your mental health?
Self-care is an excellent habit to have but don’t let it become another stressor – if you’re avoiding the things you’ve put in place for self-care then they probably aren’t right for you. I personally find that there are deeper currents that I can’t navigate alone and for that I see my own therapist. Getting help where you need it is good self-care!
BIO
David works in private practice in Counselling and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy practice in Dublin and is accredited by the Irish Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy.
His website is davidfoottherapy.com and you can find him on Twitter @DavidFoot5.
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