This is week 3 of Dr. Malie’s A Lust for Life online Exam Stress Management course for Junior and Leaving Cert students and parents. Here is Week 1 “Mastering the game of exams” and Week 2 “Your BODY as a vehicle to your dreams” if you missed them. If you can it’s best to follow the course week by week, as like any other game, preparing for exams is best done following a step-by-step training schedule. Good luck you CAN do this!
“Nothing is good or bad, but thinking makes it so.” (William Shakespeare).
Very wise words from one of our greats. Apologies if the mere mention of Shakespeare’s name brings you out in cold sweats as that is not my intention! But what he was saying is that everything we hear, smell, touch, taste and feel in the world is filtered by our mind and our thoughts about it.
3 weeks until the exams, and I bet your own thoughts are swirling around your head in a muddle amidst all the information you are taking in and the apprehension you may be feeling. In mastering the “game” of exams, this week we are looking at how stress affects your thoughts and what skills you can use to control your thoughts, which will in turn control your levels of stress.
“Is it FACT or OPINION”?
I went to this brilliant training last year called the “DECIDER” training, which was taught by 2 funny ladies enacting mental well being skills using multi-sensory teaching and props. One of the skills which really resonated with me was “Is it a FACT or an OPINION”?
One of the ladies Carol Vivyan explained that at stressful times we tend to be driven by our emotions and opinions, which create a vicious cycle by fuelling each other. Our emotions strengthen our opinions, which in turn, intensify our emotions. Hence, when we are stressed we believe the worst which makes us feel worse.
If you were to accept that many of your thoughts are opinion rather than fact I wonder would that make you less likely to be distressed by them? If you are less distressed by them and accept that your thoughts are not necessarily a reality, then this will make you better able to make wise and calm decisions about what to do next.
ACTION: Next time you have a worrying thought about the exams, ask yourself whether your thought is a FACT or an OPINION?
- If it’s an OPINION, then I encourage you to look at the facts – what do you actually know about the situation?
- If it’s a FACT, then it is based on evidence and you are safer in making a choice about the best thing to do.
Let me give you an example.
Say you are feeling tired, stressed and frustrated and your thought is “I am so screwed, I am going to fail all my exams”!
Okay so is this a FACT or an OPINION?
I am thinking more opinion than fact, as there is no evidence that you will fail all your exams. This is not to say that your thought should not be acknowledged, but it’s important that you become aware that your negative thought may change about the exams if you were less tired, stressed, and frustrated.
This is the idea behind Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), which is a talking therapy that can help people to manage their problems by changing the way they think and behave. It’s based on the concept that your thoughts, feelings, physical sensations and actions are interconnected, and that negative thoughts and feelings can trap you in a vicious cycle. CBT aims to help you crack this cycle by breaking down overwhelming problems into smaller parts and showing you how to change these negative patterns to improve the way you feel.
If you want to try out some CBT skills for yourself, I can vouch for an online CBT course developed by my Galway colleague Dr. Clare Kambamettu, who put one together especially for A Lust for Life readers.
Another resource I recommend to the young people I see is Carol Vivyan’s website getselfhelp.co.uk. It provides CBT self-help and therapy resources, sharing very practical ways of managing your thoughts, feelings and behaviour, including the FACT or OPINION exercise.
Visualise your success and tame your fears!
If you are human, you probably feel some anxiety or fear at the thought of sitting your exams; I know I do, the dread still haunts me in my dreams! You may focus on recurring thoughts that you won’t do well, or remember past experiences which didn’t go so well.
You may be interested to know that visualisation is one of the “7 secrets to studying”, according to this handout with invaluable tips on how to pass the exams. Having a positive attitude accounts for at least a third of your success on an exam, so transforming a negative or fearful attitude into a more positive one is crucial. This is where visualisation comes in.
Psychologically preparing yourself for success dramatically increases your chances for real success. Back to the metaphor used in Week 1 where I compared exams to a “game”. Professional athletes often use visualisation to improve their performance. They steer away from negative thoughts as they know from experience that this will impact their performance.
If athletes can do it, so can you. After all you are preparing yourself for the marathon session that is the exams, and if visualisation works for many at the top of their game, then try it.
Have a look at an article Bressie wrote on the subject called “Visualisation – The mind’s ally”, which he summarised in 3 powerful words “Conceive, believe, achieve”…
ACTION: Taking an Exam: Guided Imagery Script by Dr. Malie Coyne
This week I recorded a guided imagery which you can use over the coming weeks to help you to relax and visualise the process of taking an exam successfully. “I can be anxious later, now is the time to take the exam”; “I am ready to rise up to meet this challenge”.
A word of advice for parents and close adults
Your role this week is to act as a “safe container” for your teenagers. Although they can be very determined in striving for their independence, it might surprise you to know that they need you NOW more than ever. If your teenager seems stressed, try to identify and name the stress they are under. You could say something like “I notice that you seem quite stressed lately and not quite yourself. Just so you know I am always here for you. How are things going?”
Maybe have this conversation on a walk or in the car as teenagers prefer casual chats where they don’t feel exposed. They may not want to disclose how they feel immediately but at least you have opened up the conversation and let them know that you are there for them.
Only when you have acknowledged their feelings would I move into a conversation about practical steps they could take to manage their stress “I wonder could we make a plan together about what could help you?” Have a look at this useful handout with tips on helping your teenager to manage their anxiety by replacing “anxious” thinking with more realistic thinking. Below is an example you can use with them to describe the powerful impact of their thoughts on their feelings. See you next time!
For more information on my work, go to drmaliecoyne.ie or follow me on Facebook (Dr. Malie Coyne) or on Twitter (@maliecoyne)
Listen here to Bressie and Malie’s interview on the Anton Savage Show, where Bressie shares his experience of exams and we introduce our stress management course.
Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is intended for information purposes only and represents solely the opinions of this author. If you are seeking help with an emotional or mental health issue, we would strongly encourage you to contact your GP and / or for you to contact support services in this link.
The information on this website is NOT a substitute for proper diagnosis, treatment or the provision of advice by an appropriate health professional.
Support Our Campaign
We rely on the generosity of the public to fund our work and so far together we have achieved great things! Please do continue to support us so we can provide future generations in Ireland with the resources to recognise and talk about their emotions, and equip them to navigate the ever-changing world around them as they grow
