Have yourself a conscious Christmas

In the days and weeks running up to Christmas, it is easy to understand why many of us lose sight of the true essence of this wonderful, winter celebration and what it is really about. It is, of course, predominately a religious festival that celebrates the birth of Christ but for many non-religious people it represents a socio-cultural tradition that has been followed for many years.

In the mix of late nights at Christmas parties, desperate shopping trips to find the ‘perfect’ gifts for family and friends, pressure to eat and drink to excess ‘because it’s Christmas’, preparing the all-important ‘Christmas Dinner,’ your stomach and mind may feel as knotted and tangled as the damn Christmas tree lights! No matter how motivated you are to untangle them they just seem to get even more tangled. The theoretical joy of the season can feel like it is slipping away and a sense of being overwhelmed and exhausted can creep in as you wrap yet another gift or eat yet another mince pie.

Your Conscious Choice

Consciously choosing what kind of Christmas you want to have is an essential step to genuinely enjoying this special time of year. To help you identify what kind of Christmas you actually want as opposed to the one you feel you ‘should’ have, it is important to look at your principles and beliefs as these will give you an excellent foundation from which to work. If “love”, “empathy”, and “honesty” are what you value, then making a conscious choice to spend this Christmas surrounded by people you love, having empathy for those less fortunate than you and being honest with yourself and those you love is a good start.

Decide on three or four words that clearly describe the Christmas that you are now consciously creating, write them down, memorise them and treasure them because they represent your “conscious Christmas”. Use these words to return to in moments when you feel pressure or stress. Allowing yourself to mindfully bring these words with you in a moment-to-moment awareness is empowering.

Family Dramas

For those grieving the death of a loved one, especially if this is the first Christmas without them, this time of year can be one of sadness and isolation. Also, if there are any unresolved family disagreements then that person’s absence will be felt on some level even if the rest of the year you appear to be fine with the situation.

In many families there are tensions that have been lurking beneath the surface all year and now they are finally getting the space and time to rise. Many of us have unconscious connections with Christmas and have both happy and sad memories of our childhood Christmases that can trigger unwanted feelings. Unfortunately, families can be like actors on a stage – each has a role to play and each repeats the same lines unconsciously. If you don’t like the part or lines that you have been given, then too bad! Being aware of these triggers can really help you to deal positively and consciously with whatever emotions are triggered. You can choose to change your part and your lines.

Christmas can also be a hard time of year if you suffer from any level of anxiety or low moods. The struggle to feel calm, let alone to feel joyful, can be a battle as the expectation to be happy and confident is never more evident. The pressure to consistently socialise, when all you may feel like doing is hiding under the Christmas tree, can be exhausting. The carefully crafted Christmas commercials lead us to believe that joy and happiness comes automatically with the gift of an upgrade to the latest phone or a hamper full of chocolate and wine. In general, these commercials often convey the idea that we are all surrounded by large, loving and happy families with partners who know exactly what gift to bring us.

So what do you do if you feel your own life does not match up to these fake ideals?

The answer lies not in trying to change or control other people and situations around you but in your response to them. The most precious gift you can give yourself is to take very good care of yourself.

1. If you don’t feel comfortable with a situation, leave it, politely of course.
2. If you don’t want to get sucked into yet another Chris Kindle or social event, politely say thank you, but no thanks.
3. Know your own limits and boundaries.
4. Say “yes” to yourself and to what makes you feel peaceful and calm.
5. Decide what is right for you in terms of food and especially alcohol; we all know that a boozy night is a recipe for disaster if you are feeling vulnerable on any level.
6. Keep up your exercise regime to maintain both physical and mental health. After all, your body is not aware that it is Christmas – it still needs to be cared for and nurtured.
7. If a member of your family insists on raising old issues that are likely to cause disagreement, choose to change your role and stop yourself from repeating the same behaviours that always result in more tension.
8. Protect yourself from negative or toxic environments.
9. If you are grieving the loss of someone you love, give yourself permission to be sad and, at the same time, imagine that their greatest wish is for you to be happy and healthy.

Have yourself a conscious Christmas, and rest assured, the choices you make benefit everyone you love. By spreading peace, love and understanding you are choosing to embrace what the true essence of Christmas means to you.

For more information about Fiona’s work, go to thepositivehabit.com