“Whatever the present moment contains, accept it as if you had chosen it.” – Eckhart Tolle
Why is feeling safe so important?
Feeling safe is fundamental to our wellbeing. It’s primary, it’s primal and it’s the springboard from which we can create the life we deserve to live. When we are fully present, we can enjoy a wonderful calming balm of comfort that comes with a deep sense of moment to moment awareness and an over-all sense of calm.
We all have a fundamental need to feel safe and thrive on a feeling of inner safety no matter what outside challenges or chaos you may face. Most of our anxiety and fear is needless and knowing when to simply let go of this unnecessary anxiety and rest in the comfort and beauty of the present moment will help you to feel safe and secure inside, this then allows you to perform at your optimum.
Please consider your answer to the questions below to help you identify what level of safety and present moment awareness you are operating on? A score of 0 is high level feelings of security and 10 means you have lots of progress to make.
Please answer yes or no to the following questions.
In the past month have you found yourself?
- Ruminating on the past?
- Worrying about the future?
- Found your mind overanalysing what someone meant by a comment they made?
- Found it hard to focus your attention on the task at hand?
- Found your to-do list invading your thoughts when in the shower or doing household tasks?
- Found that you have not been listening to a loved one, a child or a family member?
- Felt the pressure of not having enough time to complete all your tasks?
- Felt impatient when something small didn’t go your way – i.e.: sitting in traffic, losing something, making a small mistake etc…
- Had invasive thoughts about what people will think of you if you do or say something?
- Felt your mind wander from the task you are doing to the next task and even the one after that so that you are not focussed on the task at hand?
“The essence of knowledge is self-knowledge” – Plato
Using your answers to the above questions as a starting point, time take some time to journal or make a mental note of the moments throughout your day when your mind wanders most. Is it in the shower? Is it on your way to work? Is it when you are working and become distracted between different tasks? Is it when you are with particular people or in particular places? Observe yourself as though you are a detective and start to note down when you find yourself most uncomfortable with yourself and the situation around you.
Why can we feel unsafe when there is no threat?
There are countless reasons for why we may feel unsafe in what appears to be very safe environments i.e. Our lives are not at risk. Situations like a work presentation, a dinner with your in-laws or even your own family, a party, waiting at the school gates can trigger the stress response and can be interpreted as a real threat on a physiological level. Many people feel intense anxiety in these ‘harmless’ moments and can feel confused about why they have a feeling of such unease.
For others the feelings are less intense but still present and unwelcome. Often, the stress response is being triggered by past experiences where we did not feel so safe. For example, a presentation in which you blushed or stuttered, or a dinner with family that ended up in an argument or feeling left out a school when you were a child.
The brain’s negativity bias has recorded these experiences as negative ones that are best avoided and hence the amygdala, the fear centre of the brain is activated. From an evolutionary point of view it makes complete sense. However, the activating system is now out of date and ironically the system that kept us alive can now cause us genuine harm as in avoiding public speaking at work could hinder your chances of promotion or worse still a constant drip of cortisol effects the immune system and put us at greater risk of disease and illnesses.
How can you develop the habit of being fully present?
In one word, practice! It is like any other skill and you need to learn it and then keep practicing it. The mind left to its own devices will wander and it needs your consistent love and attention.
When you experience a higher level of consciousness, when you are truly present and your mind is anchored in the here and now a wonderful comfort arises, your bodies relax, and you release positive hormones such as serotonin and oxytocin that promote health and wellness. Put simply, being fully present allows you to assess any genuine threats and truly enjoy the countless moments where you are safe.
In the word of Eckhart Tolle, when we accept the moment as if we chose it to be this way, no matter what the moment is offering, we enter into a different relationship with ourselves and our lives. This takes consistent practice and for those of you who have done mindfulness or practice meditation you will know what it requires to train your brain to be fully present.
If you think of moments when you are truly present, when you are absorbed and immersed in an activity or conversation you will of course realise how incredibly beneficial that is. It is impossible to feel unsafe (unless of course there is a REAL threat) when you observe the world and your thoughts from a place of calm, you enter into a beautiful space and time where you experience the comfort and joy of the present moment.
You move easily through your daily tasks and chores and enjoy them for what they are rather than simply another item to be ticked off an endless list. You can move freely from this moment to the next and you also achieve so much more with a focused awareness that comes from living in the now. Your relationships flow from the heart, confidence increases, your ability to help others and your empathy of others suffering increases.
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