Why are many of us living stressed lives, rather than thriving?

why-are-many-of-us-living-stressed-lives-rather-than-thriving

Until the birth of the Positive Psychology movement, most psychologists concerned themselves with fixing unhappiness, anxiety, stress and depression. By contrast, the basic premise of Positive Psychology is to reach beyond a normal state (where we feel we are merely coping or just plodding along) and to tap into our ability to flourish. In other words, to go beyond surviving to a state of thriving.

One of the ways that we can flourish is in a state known as ‘flow‘; in this state we can achieve remarkable feats and create beautiful art. Think of a time when you were so absorbed in an activity that you did not notice the passing of time. This could have been a stimulating conversation, playing a good game of tennis, painting a picture, gardening, a game of golf, playing or listening to beautiful music or preparing for a presentation at work. These are all examples of being in the state of ‘flow‘: when all of your energy is being utilised in a positive way and your brain is working at high capacity. You are fully alert to the moment but not to the passing of time and feel you are at ‘one’ with the activity.

In order to flourish and to accept the idea of flourishing as an attainable and sustainable way to live, we need to understand why the habit of negative thinking is so prevalent and why so many of us fall into a pattern of anticipating the worst possible outcomes. Quite simply, we are programmed to survive and negative bias keeps us alive and protects us from danger. This negative bias is therefore strong and for good reason; it is a fundamental part of our survival and must be maintained so that if we are confronted with a threat or trauma we have a strong resource of this energy to help us cope in times of genuine need. Think of this as similar to having savings in the bank which can be used in the case of an emergency.

However, the pressures of modern life cause cortisol (the stress hormone) to be constantly triggered and released leaving many of us living in a constant state of fight or flight. This has developed into a pattern of automatic response; we have developed the habit of stress. The problem is compounded when we do not give ourselves any time to recover. There is a general societal expectation that we should be able to manage the daily demands being made upon us. Most people also personally believe that they should be able to cope with these demands. Many of us do cope for a long time but eventually the body stops functioning properly and sends a warning signal. Ignoring this warning is the root of many physical illnesses. For example, someone who is under great pressure and who keeps going regardless will invariably become sick: paradoxically this can happen when they actually stop, by which time it may be too late.

On an average day your brain might suffer from information overload from media, work deadlines and family commitments. At the same time your brain must respond to the daily physical demands as you attempt to juggle family life with work. In short, your brain is being asked to do too much.

This constant drain on your resources can have the same effect on your psyche and body as if you were under threat. Because your subconscious does not understand the difference between reality and imagination, every time you release cortisol your subconscious believes that a genuine threat is coming. Our predecessors would have rested after any threat to their survival. However, we just keep going blindly into the next stressful situation, whether it is sitting in traffic, overworking or dealing with the constant needs of our children.

People rarely create a healthy space for themselves amongst the chaos, which is the equivalent of the caveman retreating to his cave after an attack. This type of external pressure left unattended contributes to the major diseases of our time: heart disease, cancer and many other serious ailments such as IBS and diabetes. According to Science Daily Magazine, a research team led by Sheldon Cohen from Carnegie Mellon University has found that chronic psychological stress is associated with the body losing its ability to regulate the inflammatory response. Published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, the research shows for the first time that the effects of psychological stress on the body’s ability to regulate inflammation can promote the development and progression of disease.

To summarise, please take time for yourself, retreat into a self-care programme that nourishes your mind and body, do things that you love to do and that give you the positive energy you need to flourish. Don’t just survive, you can thrive, but in order to do so you will need to make changes and put more time into things in your life that cause you to feel in that state of flow. We’ve all felt it and deserve to experience it more and more, so that we can help ourselves to experience happier less stressed lives.

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Article by Fiona Brennan
Fiona Brennan is a Clinical Hypnotherapist with a booked out clinic in Dublin. Every day she has the honour of helping people who are struggling with anxiety, stress and their sense of self-worth. She is a TEDx Mindfulness, and NLP practitioner, Mental Health expert on Today FM, the Dermot & Dave show. Building on her success, in 2016 she launched her online, five-star rated, hypnotherapy program which now helps people all over the world. Her first book is the best-selling 'The Positive Habit' is published by Ireland's leading non-fiction publishers Gill Books. Fiona is currently writing her second book, which is all about Love and it will be published early next year. For more information visit Thepositivehabit.com
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